爱华网小编整理了一些经典英语笑话，让你开心每一天!
英语笑话一：《律师、宝马和胳膊》A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!", he whined.
一个律师打开他的宝马车门，突然一辆汽车驶过来把门撞飞了，警察赶到现场，律师正痛苦地抱怨毁坏了他心爱的宝马。
“警察同志，看看他们把我的车弄的!!!”律师哀怨地说。
"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"
“你们律师真是物质至上，我很不舒服!”警察反驳说，“你这么关心你可恶的宝马，你可能没有注意到你的左胳膊也没了。”
律师终于注意到了血淋淋的左肩膀，“天哪，我的劳力士手表在哪儿?”
英语笑话二：The New TeacherGeorge comes from school on the first of September.
9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。
George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother.
“乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗?” 妈妈问
I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and thre
英语笑话三：有两条裤子A young man came home from work and found his bride upset. "I feel terrible,” she said. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers.”
丈夫下班回到家里，发现自己的新娘心绪烦乱。“我心里太难受了，”她说。“我在给你熨西装时把裤子的臀部烧了个大洞。”
“Forget it ,” consoled her husband. “Remember that I’ve got an extra pair of pants for that suit.”
“没事儿，”丈夫安慰她说。“你忘了我这套衣服有两条裤子。”
“Yes,” said the woman, cheering up. "And it’s lucky you have. I used them to patch the hole.”
“是的，”妻子高兴地说，“幸亏你还有一条，我后来就用它来补了这个洞了。”
英语笑话四：死于肝癌的人100%都吃饭Wife:You see.According to te statistics on the paper 80% of
those who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcoho.
妻子：你瞧，根据这报上登的统计数字，那些死于肝癌的人有80%都喝酒。
Husband:It's okey. To my investigation, all Thespeopleeat
meals.
丈夫：那就不错了。据我调查，所有这些人都吃饭呢。
英语笑话五：Good Sight 好视力Lawyer: You say you were about thirty-five feet away from the scene of the accident? Just how far can you see clearly?
Witness: Well, when I wake up in the morning I see the Sun, and they tell me it's about ninety-three million miles away.
律师：你说你离事故现场约有35英尺，你能看清多远的东西?
证人：这么说吧，早上起床后我看见太阳，别人告诉我这大约有9300万英里远。
英语笑话六：来信Mr. Henry Beecher entered Plymouth Church one Sunday and found several letters awaiting him. He opened one and found it contained the single word ″Fool″. Quietly and with becoming seriousness he announced to the congregation the fact in these words:
″I have known many an instance(实例) of a man writing a letter and forgetting to sign his name, but this is the only instance I have ever known of a man signing his name and forgetting to write the letter.″
一个星期天,亨利·比切先生到普利茅斯的教堂去,在那里有他的几封信。他打开其中一封,发现信中只写着“傻瓜”两个字。
他平静而认真地把这件事告诉教友们：“写信时忘了签名的人,我遇到过很多,但只签了名却忘了写信的人,我还是头一次遇到。”
Customer: Waiter, I can't find any oysters in this oyster stew.
Waiter: Well, you wouldn't expect to find any angels in an angel food cake, would you?
顾客：服务员，我这个牡蛎炖菜里怎么没有牡蛎?
服务员：是啊，你不会指望在天使蛋糕里发现天使吧?
英语笑话七：玫瑰On the way home one night, I spotted some fresh-cut roses outside a florist's shop. After selecting a dozen and entering the shop, I was greeted by a young saleswoman.
Are these for your wife, sir? she asked.
Yes, I said.
For her birthday? she asked.
No, I replied.
For your anniversary?
No, I said again.
As I pocketed my change and headed toward the door, the young woman called out, I hope she forgives you.
一天晚上回家的路上，我看到一家花店外面有一些刚剪下来的玫瑰。我挑了一打，走进店里，一个年轻的女售货员跟我打了个招呼。
先生，这些是送给你妻子的吗?她问道。
是的，我说。
她的生日?她问。
不是，我回答。
你们的结婚纪念日?
不是，我又答道。
当我将找回的钱装进口袋，朝门口走去时，那年轻的女人冲我喊道：希望她能原谅你。
