爱华网笑话是民间故事中一种短小的饱含讽刺幽默意味的体裁。下面小编整理了史上最搞笑的英语笑话带翻译，希望大家喜欢!
史上最搞笑的英语笑话带翻译摘抄
先生,我们9点关门
"Waitress," shouted the impatient diner, "do I have to sit here and starve all night?"
"no, sir, we close at nine o'clock."
“服务员，”用餐者不耐烦地叫道，“我必须整晚坐在这儿挨饿吗?”
“不，先生，我们9点关门。”
史上最搞笑的英语笑话带翻译鉴赏
母鸡的腿为什么那么短?
Son: Why are hen's legs so short?
Dad: You're a fool. If the hen's legs were too long, wouldn't they drop their eggs into pieceswhen laying?
儿子：为什么母鸡的腿这么短呢?
父亲：你真笨。如果母鸡的腿太长，它们下蛋的时候，鸡蛋岂不都摔碎了?
史上最搞笑的英语笑话带翻译赏析
Contented Married Life
A man was telling one of his friends the secret of his contented married life, "My wife makes allthe small decisions," he explained, "and I make all the big ones, so we never interfere in eachother's business and never get annoyed with each other. We have no complaints and noarguments."
"That sounds reasonable," answered his friend sympathetically. "And what sort of decisionsdoes your wife make?"
"Well," answered the man, "she decides what jobs I apply for, what sort of house we live in,what furniture we have, where we go for our holidays, and things like that."
His friend was surprised. "Oh?" he said. "And what do you consider important decisions then?"
"Well," answered the man, "I decide who should be Prime Minister, whether we should increaseour help to poor countries, what we should do about the atom bomb, and things like that."
令人满意的婚姻生活
一个男人告诉他的朋友自己婚姻幸福美满的秘密，“小事都由我妻子决定，”他解释说：“而我只管大事，我们从不互相干涉，从不生对方的气。我们从来没有抱怨、没有争吵。”
“听起来很有道理，”他的朋友深有同感，“有哪些事情由你妻子作决定呢?”
“嗯，”那个人回答说：“她决定我申请什么工作，我们住什么房子，买什么家具，去哪里度假这些事情。”
他的朋友很惊奇的问道：“哦?那么你决定哪些重要事情?”
“嗯，”他回答：“我决定谁来当首相，我们是否要增加对贫困国家的援助，怎么处理原子弹等等这些问题。”
史上最搞笑的英语笑话带翻译欣赏
结婚的成本 The cost of marriage
The cost of marriage
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
婚姻的成本
一个小男孩问他的父亲，“爸爸，要花多少钱才能结婚呢?”
“我也不知道，我现在还在交钱。”父亲回答。
史上最搞笑的英语笑话带翻译品味
让交警为之崩溃的一次驾驶
A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"
"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"
He thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."
The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him — he's a smartass when he's drunk and stoned."
The guy from the back seat said, "I told you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
一个家伙开车的时候警察追了上来。这个家伙摇开窗户问警察：“怎么了，警官?”
“没事，我观察到了你的安全驾驶技术，很高兴你获得了价值5000美元的安全驾驶奖。祝贺你!你认为你要拿这笔钱去做什么?”
他想了一会说“哦，我觉得，我应该去考驾照”。
坐在副驾驶位的女士说"别在意他说的，他喝醉了酒说胡话呢.
“后面座位的家伙说”我告诉你，偷来的车我们走不远的。”
此时，行李箱出现了敲击声并传出一个模糊不清的声音：“我们穿过了边境了吗?”
史上最搞笑的英语笑话带翻译欣赏
I Could Do It Slower
Patient: What do you charge for pulling a tooth?
Dentist: Fifty dollars.
Patient: Fifty dollars for a couple of minutes' work?
Dentist: Well, I could do it slower, if you like.
我可以干得慢一些
病人：拔一颗牙收费多少?
牙医：50美元。
病人：只几分钟的活儿就要50美元?
牙医：好的，如果你喜欢的话，我可以干得慢一些。
