爱华网前苏联著名作家高尔基说过,“哪里有人,哪里就有笑声。下面是小编带来的超简单的英语笑话，欢迎阅读!
超简单的英语笑话精选
Where Do You Want These Blinds
A drill sergeant ordered two young female recruits to paint a room in the barracks, stressing that they not get any paint on their uniforms. Doubtful they could avoid ruining their clothes, the women locked the door, stripped naked and painted in nude. After about an hour they heard a knock at the door . "Who is it?" asked one of the women.
"Blind man, "came the reply.
Seeing no harm in letting a blind man in, they opened the door.
"Wow, what knockouts!" the man said with surprise. "Now, where do you want these blinds?"
Notes:
(1) drill n .军事训练;操练如： The soldiers were at drill in the barrack square.兵士们在营房的操场上操练。
(2) sergeant n.中士
(3) recruits n.新兵
(4) barracks n.兵营;营房如：The barracks are quite new.那些营房相当新。
(5) doubtful adj.怀疑的;不能确定的
(6) ruin v.使毁灭;使败坏
(7) strip v.脱下;除去
(8) nude n.裸体人像
(9) knockouts n.动人的人或物
(10) blind adj.盲的;瞎的n.卷式窗帘
Exercises:
根据短文判断下列句子正(T)、误(F)：
① Three young female recruits were ordered to paint the room.
② They were required not to get any paint on their uniforms.
③ The women painted the room in nude with the door unlocked.
④ The women thought a blind man could not see them naked.
⑤ "A blind man " in this passage refers to a man who makes or sends blinds.
窗帘挂于何处
一位军事训练中士命令两个年轻的女兵去油漆营房里的一间屋子，并一再强调不得把漆弄到她们的制服上。她们很怀疑能不把衣服弄脏，所以就把门插上，脱了衣服，裸体在里面油漆。大约一个小时过后，她们听到有人敲门。
“谁呀?”其中一女子问。
“送窗帘的(与‘盲人’同音同词----编者)，”来者答道。
她们觉得让一个盲人进来无妨，就开了门。
“哇，多动人的人儿呀!”那男子惊奇地说，“现在你们想把窗帘挂在哪儿?”
练习参考答案：
①T②T③F④T⑤T
超简单的英语笑话阅读
Whose Dog Was the Smartest
Four friends were arguing over whose dog was the smartest. The first man, an engineer, called to his dog, "T Square, show your stuff. " The dog trotted over to a desk, pulled out a paper and pencil, and drew a perfect triangle.
The next guy, an accountant, called to his dog, "Slide Rule, go ahead. " The dog went to the kitchen, nibbled opened a bag of cookies and divided the contents into four equal piles.
The next man, a chemist, beckoned his dog, Beaker, to show what he could do. The dog went to the fridge, took out a quart of milk and poured out exactly eighty ounces into a measuring cup.
The last man was a government worker. "Coffee Break," he hollered to his dog, "go to it. " With that, the dog jumped to his feet, soiled the paper, ate the cookies and drank the milk.
Notes:
(1) do (show) your stuff显显你的本领;露一手
(2) trot v. 疾走;快步走
(3) triangle n.三角形
(4) accountant n会计
(5) nibble v.轻咬
(6) beckon v.招手令他人走近或跟着来
(7) ounce n.盎司(重量单位，常衡为1/16磅)
(8) holler v.喊叫
(9) soil v.弄脏;弄污
Exercises:
根据短文回答问号问题：
① What were the four friends arguing about?
② What did the first man's dog do?
③ How many parts did the second man's dog divide the cookies into?
④ How much milk did the third man's dog pour into the measuring cup?
⑤ Can we find out whose dog was the smartest?
谁的狗最聪明
四个朋友在为谁的狗最聪明而争吵。第一个人是个工程师，他对自己的狗喊道：“T形角，使出你的本领来。”这只狗便跑向一个书桌，拉出一张纸和一支铅笔，画出了一个完美的三角形。
第二个人是个会计。他对他的狗说：“珠算法，上吧。”那狗直奔厨房，用嘴咬开一袋甜饼并把饼分成了四等份。
第三个人是位药剂师。他命令他的狗----量杯，表现一下。但见那狗径直走向冰箱，叼出一瓶牛奶并精确地把八盎司牛奶倒入一个量杯中。
最后一位是政府职员。“休息时间，”他对自己的狗喊叫，“去吧。”话还未落，那狗便跳将起来，踏污了那张纸，吃掉了所有的甜饼，喝光了那杯牛奶。
练习参考答案：
① They were arguing about whose dog was the smartest.
② He drew a perfect triangle.
③ Four.
④ Eight ounces.
⑤ The fourth man's dog was the smartest.
超简单的英语笑话学习
What Will Be the Headline
When a man in Macon, Ga. , came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and throttled it with his two hands. A reporter saw the incident, congratulated the man and told him the headline the following day would read, "Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal. "
The hero, however, told the journalist that he wasn't from Macon.
"Well, then," the reporter said, the headline will probably say, 'Georgia Man Saves Child by Killing Dog. '"
"Actually," the man said, "I'm from Connecticut."
"In that case," the reporter said in a huff, "the headline will read ,'Yankee Kills Family Pet.'"
Notes：
(1) Ga. Georgia的缩写(美国的)乔治亚州
(2) come upon 偶然遇见
(3) grab v.抓取;揽取
(4) throttle v.勒死;缢死
(5) congratulate v.祝贺
(6) vicious adj. 凶恶的
(7) Connecticut n.(美国)康涅狄格州
(8) huff n.发怒
(9) Yankee n.(美国南北战争中)北部诸州的人;北方佬
Excises:
根据短文回答问题：
① The man carne from Macon, Ga.
② The man killed the dog with a knife.
③ At first, the reporter was pleased with what the man had done.
④ The reporter thought that the man was a local person.
⑤ We can see from the passage that the reporter didn't like a person from Connecticut.
10.标题是什么
一位男子在乔治亚州的麦根城遇到一条狗在袭击一个男孩。他敏捷地用两手卡住了狗的脖子并掐死了它。一位记者目睹了这件事，向这位男子表示祝贺并说次日的新闻标题将是：“本地男子杀恶畜救孩童”。
然而，这位英雄却告诉记者他不是麦根人。
“那么，”记者说，“标题可能为‘乔治亚男子杀狗救孩童’。”
“实际上，”那男子道，“我是康涅狄格人。”
“这样的话，”记者怒气冲冲地说，“标题将是‘北方佬杀死家庭爱犬’。”
练习参考答案：
① F ② F ③ T ④ T ⑤ T
