爱华网笑话是内容丰富并具有出乎意料结尾的幽默口头故事。笑话几乎涵盖人们生活的所有领域,其中包括政治笑话、经济笑话、家庭生活笑话、关于民族性格的笑话等。 下面是小编带来的经典爆笑英语长笑话，欢迎阅读!
经典爆笑英语长笑话篇一
NO Sweat!
不费吹灰之力!
There were four passengers in the small aircraft as it sputtered over the Andes; abusinessman, an inventor, a priest and a laid -back budget traveller.
一架正飞越安第斯山脉的小飞机上坐着四名乘客：一名商人，一名发明家，一位神父和一个靠预算过日子、看起来懒懒散散的旅行者。
Suddenly the pilot entered the cabin and told them the horrible news: "Gentlemen, the plane isgoing down. I'm going to try to crash-land it, but you must all jump. "
突然，驾驶员走进舱告诉他们可怕的消息：“各位先生，这架飞机正失控下降中，我要设法迫降，但你们必须先跳下飞机。”
Naturally, the men were horrified and even more so when they discovered that there were onlythree parachutes.
当然，那几个人都吓得目瞪口呆，尤其是当他们发现只有三个降落伞可以使用时，更是心惊胆战。
The businessman said, "Sirs, I employ thousands of people. Their lives and those of theirfamilies depend on me. I think you'll agree that I must survive. " He promptly put on aparachute and leaped.
那名商人说道：“各位先生，我雇用好几千名员工，他们都要靠我养家活口，我想你们都同意我必须活着回去。”说着他便穿上一具降落伞跳出飞机去。
The inventor rose, already adjusting the straps. "I'm the smartest man in the world. Myinventions have transformed the lives of millions. There’s no telling how much good I may yetdo. Goodbye. " And he, too, jumped from the plane.
接着发明家站了起来，调整了肩带说道：“我是世界上最聪明的人，我的发明改变了成千上万人的生活。我还会对大众造多少福难以估计。再见了，各位!”他也跟着跳出机舱。
The priest was se.rene, and interrupted his prayers to speak to the traveller. "I am a rnan ofGod, my son; I have no fear of death. Take the last parachute and save your life. "
神父心平气和，中断祷告，对旅行者说道：“小伙子，我是信奉上帝的人，我对死并不畏惧，剩下的降落伞你就拿去用，逃命去吧!”
"Hey, it,s cool, Father. There’ re still two parachutes left. The smartest man in tne world justjumped out of the plane wearing my backpack. "
“嘿，神父，真是太棒了!我们还有两个降落伞。那个自称世界上最聪明的人背了我的背包跳出去了。”
经典爆笑英语长笑话篇二
Change of Plan
临时改变主意
Frank and Fred had received their draft notices on the same day, and neither wanted to enterthe army.
法兰克和佛烈德两人同一天收到召集令，两人都不想去服兵役。
But Frank had heard that the army would not accept anyone without teeth, so they both had alltheir teeth pulled.
但法兰克曾经听人说军中不收没有牙齿的人，因此他们两人都把所有的牙齿给拔掉了。
On the day of their medical exam, Frank and Fred got in line, but a huge, hairy, smelly truckdriver cut in between them.
在体格检查那天，他们两人排在同一排队伍，可是有一个大块头、满身毛发而且臭味难当的卡车司机插在他们中间。
As Frank got up to the head of the line, he announced to the inspecting sergeant that he hadno teeth.
当法兰克排到队伍的前头时，他对检查的班长说他没有牙齿，
The sergeant had Frank open his mouth, ran his forefinger over the raw gums and said,
那名士官要他张开嘴巴，接着用食指在他红肿的牙龈绕了一圈后说道：
"Sure enough, you don’t. You’re rejected. "
“没错，你没牙齿，不用当兵!”
Turning to the truck driver, he asked, 'What's your problem?"
接着轮到卡车司机，士官说：“你有什么问题吗?”
The trucker said, "I've got a tremendous case of the piles."
卡车司机说道：“我患有严重的痔疮。”
The sergeant had the fellow bend over, inserted his fore finger and rotated it aroundthoroughly,
班长要那个家伙弯下身去，用他的食指在肛门转了一整圈后说道：
"Sure enough, you've got a bad case. Rejected!"
“没错，你的情形很严重，不合格!”
Turning to Fred, the sergeant demanded, "And what's your problem?"
再轮到佛烈德时，班长又问：“那你的问题是什么?”
Staring at the forefinger, Fred replied, "Nothing at all, sergeant, nothing at all. "
凝视着他的食指，佛烈德答道：“没什么问题，班长，我一点问题也没有。”
经典爆笑英语长笑话篇三
Keep Your Head
头脑要保持冷静!
A young man was working in the produce section of a grocery store when a customer askedhim for half a head of cabbage.
有一个年轻人在一家杂货店的农产部门工作，一天一位顾客要向他买半颗包心菜。
"Sir, we don't sell half heads of anything. "
“先生，我们东西都没有卖半颗的。”
"Well, I insist, I 0nly want half a head. "
“哎呀，我就买半颗，我只要半颗。”
"I'll ask the manager. "
“我要问问经理才行。”
The young man walked to the manager's office and, not realizing that the customer hadfollowed him, said to the manager,
那名年轻人走到经理的办公室，不知道那位顾客尾随着他，他对经理说道：
"Sir, some asshole wants to buy just half a head of cabbage. "
“经理，有个浑蛋只要买半颗包心菜。”
Turning and noticing the customer, he quickly added,
他转身发现那名顾客，立刻又补充说：
"And this gentleman wants the other half. "
“而这位先生要买另一半。”
Later, the manager took the young man aside and said,
稍后，经理把他拉到一旁说道：
"That was quick thinking, young fellow. We can use bright lads like you. If I hear of a higherposition opening up, I'll keep you in mind. "
“年轻人，你反应真快。我们需要像你这么聪明的人，如果有较高的职位空缺，我会记得你的。”
Sure enough, a few weeks later the manager told the young man that an assistant manager'sspot had become vacant in the company's store in Edmonton.
几个星期之后，经理告诉那名年轻人在艾得蒙敦分店有个经理的职位空缺。
"Edmonton!" blurted out the young man. "Why, there's nothing in Edmonton but hookers andhockey, event hockey players，
“艾得蒙敦!”年轻人叫了出来，“那儿有的只是妓女和曲棍球选手而已。”
"Young man , my wife happens to come from Edmonton! "
“年轻人，我太太刚好来自艾得蒙敦!”
"No kidding, sir? what posltion does she play?"
“真的吗?经理，那她是打哪一个位置呢?”
