爱华网近些年,冷笑话作为一种特殊的幽默方式在互联网、电视节目、书籍杂志上广泛流传。下面是小编带来的经典爆笑英语笑话，欢迎阅读!
经典爆笑英语笑话篇一
纹身
A few months after Tom and I were married一during World War II, he was shipped off to Pearl Harbor. In one of his first letters，he wrote，"I'm going to have a Navy battle-ship tattooed on my chest.”
二战中，汤姆和我刚结婚几个月，他就被派到珍珠港。在他早期的一封信中，他写道:“我想把海军战舰纹刻在胸前。”
Instead of pleading, I answered simply,“Send me a pitcture of your tattoo，and I'll have a duplicate put on my chest. "
我没有劝阻，只是简单地回了信:“给我寄一张你纹旁的照片来，然后我也在我的胸前仿纹一个。”
We have been married for 51 years. Neither of us has a tattoo.
我们现在已结婚51年了，谁也没纹过身。
经典爆笑英语笑话篇二
惩罚
When my daughter had her first child，her husband,Chen Xi，was serving in the army in a remote mountain area. One day，Chen Xi's superior called him into his tent and ordered him to do 50 push-ups. After he completed，Chen Xi asked him what he had done wrong.“I don't have any cigarettes and sweets,"the officer said. "You just had a son!"
当我女儿生第一个小孩时，她丈夫陈希正在边远的山区服兵役。一天，陈希的队长把他叫进了帐篷，并命令他做50个俯卧撑。陈希做完了之后，问队长他做错了什么事而受罚。队长说:“你刚有了一个儿子，而我却没收到任何的烟和据。”
经典爆笑英语笑话篇三
分别对待
On a visit to the United States，Gorbachev met a Russian who had immigrated to this country. "What do you do for a living here?"the Soviet leader asked him.
在出访美国期间，戈尔巴乔夫遇见了一位移居美国的俄国人。“你在这儿靠什么谋生?”苏联的领导问他。
"My brother, my sister and I work in a big factory.”
“我哥、我妹和我在一个大工厂工作.”
"How do these capitalist bosses treat you?"
“那儿的资本家对你们怎样?”
"Just fine，"answered the man.“In fact，if you are walking home from work, the boss picks you up in his big car and drives you to your door. Another time，he treats you to a dinner in an expensive restaurant. Sometimes he takes you home for the weekend and buys you presents.”
“还不错，”那人回答，“事实上，如果你下班回家，老板会让你搭坐他的豪华车，把你送到家。有时侯，他还请你去豪华的饭店吃一顿。有时候，他邀你到他家去度周末，还送给你礼物。”
Gorbachev was stunned.”How often does this happen?"
戈尔巴乔夫很吃惊:“这种事多久有一回?”
"Well，to me，actually never. But to my sister，several times. "
“嗯，对我嘛，还没有一次呢。但对我妹妹，已经有好几次了。”
经典爆笑英语笑话篇四
除卡之外……
After many years of wanting an automatic-teller card, I finally got one. The first time I used it was at a bank machine in a nearby college town. A student was there, when I arrived，and I asked him if he'd like to help me figure out the proper procedure.
多少年来我总盼望有张自动取款卡，现在我终于有了。记得第一次我在大学城附近的一个银行自动提款机上使用我的卡时，我问站在旁边的一个学生，是否能帮我使用这个机器的程序。“当然，”他回答。
"Sure，"he replied.
我向他解择说我想存一笔钱。他打断了我说:“我想我帮不了你了，我从未存过钱.”
I explained that I wanted to make a deposit. He cut me off and said, "I don't think I can help you. I've never made a deposit.”
经典爆笑英语笑话篇五
后知之明
Several years ago, the Connecticut state police were required to put chains on their tires after the first snowfall.One officer, failing to do so，found himself in a skid that flipped the car over onto its roof.
几年前，康涅狄格州的警方对警察们有这样一个要求——在下第一场雪后，把车胎上加上铁链。有一个警官就没这么做，也巧他在一次车子打滑中翻了车，车底朝上。
A woman called the police station to report the accident. In reply to inquires on the officer's condition，she said，"Well，he seems okay, but you'd better get. someone out here real quick. He's standing on the car，putting chains on the tires !”
一位妇女给警方打电话报告了这个事玫。在问其该警官的处境时，她报告说:“他看上去没事儿，不过，你们最好快点把他弄走，他正站在车底盘上给轮胎套链子呢!"
