爱华网冷笑话是一种新兴的语言现象,伴随着网络的普及它已经渗透到了青年群体的日常生活。下面小编整理了史上最搞笑的英语笑话，希望大家喜欢!
史上最搞笑的英语笑话摘抄
把我吓个半死(中英)
A woman was walking along the beach when she saw a bottle on the sand. She picked it up and removed its top. Whoosh! A big puff of smoke appeared.
一位妇女正在沿着海滩散步，突然她看见沙滩上有个瓶子。她捡起了瓶子，拔开了瓶塞。呼的一声，冒起一股浓烟。
"You have released me from my prison,”the genie told her. "To show my thanks, I’11 grant you three wishes. But take care, for with each wish，your mate, will receive double of whatever you request.”
“你把我从囚禁中解救了出来，”妖怪对她说:“为了表示对你的感谢，我将满足你三个愿望。但是要注意，你每实现一个愿望，你的丈夫会得到双倍你所要求的东西。”
"Why?" The woman asked. "He left me for another woman.”
“为什么?他为了另一个女人抛弃了我。”这位妇女问。
"That is how it is written，”replied the genie.
“只能如此。”妖怪回答道。
The woman shrugged and then asked for a million dollars. There was a flash of light, and a million appeared at her feet. At the same instant, in a distant place，her husband was down to see twice that amount at his feet.
这位妇女很无奈地耸了耸肩，要了一百万美元。一道亮光闪过，在她的脚下出现了一百万美元。与此同时，在遥远的地方，她的丈夫正在看着脚下双倍数目的钱。
"And your second wish?"
“你的第二个愿望呢?”
"Genie, I want the world's most expensive diamond necklace.” Another flash of light, and the woman was holding the precious treasure. And in that remote place, her husband was wondering what had made so many precious stones come to him from nowhere at all.
“妖怪，我想要世界上最贵重的钻石项链。”有一道亮光闪过，这个妇女的手中便出现了这贵重的宝物。在那个遥远的地方，她的丈夫正在奇怪从什么地方冒出这么多宝石来。
"Genie，is it really true that my husband has two million dollars and more jewels than I do, and that he gets double of whatever I wish for?
“妖怪，我丈夫真的拥有了两百万美元，还有比我更多财宝，而且不论我要什么，他就能得到双倍吗?”
The genie said it was indeed true.
妖怪说确实如此。
Okay，genie，I’ m ready for my Last wish,” the woman said. "Scare me half to death.”
“好了，妖怪，我已经想好了我的最后一个愿望了。”这位妇女说二“把我吓个半死吧。”
史上最搞笑的英语笑话鉴赏
谁最臭(中英)
A grocer, a banker and a politician got lost in the forest. Eventually they came to a farmer's house and asked if he could put them up overnight.
一个杂货商、一个银行家和一个政客在森林里迷了路。最后，他们来到一家农舍，询问是否能在此住宿。
“Sure,”the farmer said, “but I've got room for only two of you in the house. The other will have to sleep in the barn with the animals, and the smell is very bad out there.”
“没问题，”农户说，“可是我的房子里只能安排得下两个人，另外一个得到牲口棚跟牲口睡在一起，那里的气味很难闻。”
"I'll sleep in the barn,” the banker volunteered.
“我去牲口棚睡。”银行家自告奋勇。
Half an hour later a knock was heard on the farmer's houses door, and there stood the banker, gasping," I can't take the smell.”
半个小时以后，他们听到有人敲门，银行家站在门口，喘着粗气:“那种气味我真的受不了。”
"All right,” said the grocer. "I' 11 sleep in the barn. "And off he went.
“好吧，”杂货商说:“我去牲口棚睡，”转身他就走了。
In a while there was another knock on the door. "I've put up with some rank odors from spoiled food,” the grocer complained," but that barn tops them all.”
不久，又响起了敲门的声音。“就连变质的食物恶臭我都能忍受，”他说，“但是，牲口棚的气味r以十么都难闻。”
"You two sissies,” said the politician" I'11 sleep in the barn.”
“你们两个真的没用,”政客说,“我去那儿睡。”
Thirty minutes later came another knock. When they opened the door There stood all the animals from the barn.
半个小时以后，又响起了敲门声。他们打开门，看到牲口棚的所有牲口都站在门口。
史上最搞笑的英语笑话赏析
自己来(中英)
An old friend from abroad, whom I was expecting to stay with me, telephoned from the airport to tell me that he had arrived. I was still at the office at the time, but I had made arrangements for his arrival. After explaining where my new flat was, I told him that I had left the key under the room一mat. As I was likely to be home rather late, I advised him to go into the kitchen and help himself to food and drink.
一位国外来的老朋友从飞机场打电话，告诉我他已经到达，我一直期盼着与他相聚。那时，我仍在办公室里，不过对于他的到来我已做好了安排。说清我的新公寓的位置后，我告诉他把钥匙放在擦脚的垫子下面。由于我可能很晚才能回家，我建议他到厨房自己弄点吃喝的东西。
Two hours later my friend telephoned me from the flat. At the moment, he was listening to some of my records after having just had a truly wonderful meal. He had found a pan on the gas stove and fried two eggs and had helped himself to some cold chicken from the refrigerator. Now, he said, he was drinking a glass of orange juice and he hoped I would join him. When I asked him if he had reached the flat without difficulty, he answered that be had not been able to find the key under the room-mat , but fortunately the living-room window just by the apple tree had been left open and he had climbed in. I listened to all this in astonishment. There is no apple tree in front of my living-room, but there is one in front of my neighbor’s!
两个小时后朋友从公寓打电话给我。他说，美餐了一顿以后，他现在正在听我的一些磁带。在煤气炉上，他找到了一个平底煎锅，煎了两个鸡蛋，并吃了冰箱里的冻鸡肉。他说他现在正在喝着一杯橘子汁并希望我能跟他一起享受。当我问他是否很顺利地进人我的公寓时，他回答说，他并没有在擦鞋的垫子下面找到钥匙，但幸运的是，苹果树旁边的那扇起居室的窗户正好开着，他就爬了进去。一番话听得我目瞪口呆。我的起居室前根本就没有苹果树，而邻居家前面到是有一颗!
