ALLJOYANDNOFUN--育儿路美国一样不好走 seventeen no fun

脸书上我在秀给孩子爹做的生日大餐。朋友发评论说你真是个大厨。我说cooking gives me the flow. compareto parenting,the feedback is muchfaster.做饭带给我愉悦,回馈的速度比育儿快多了。。。



ALLJOYANDNOFUN--育儿路美国一样不好走 seventeen no fun
现代育儿也就70年左右的历史。之前子孙后代实质是家庭有用资产。70年前没有儿童保护法,孩子5岁以后就可以为家庭创收,有些青少年儿童的收入可能会比父母来的多。人类几千年的历史,就这70年以来,儿童的身份由“useful”变成了“protected”,因此可以赤裸裸地说他们economicallyuseless but emotionally priceless-VivianaZelizer(普林斯顿社会经济学家)。育儿也变成了高成本,不一定高回报的过程。
All Joy And NoFun的研究对象是美国中产父母,小孩公立学校教育,精英阶层和贫困阶层除外。探讨的是为人父母快乐与否的悖论。看题目就知道了。
70年的育儿经相对人类发展史是很短的。书店里关于parenting的架子令郎满目的摆满各种育儿宝典,这些宝典成了为人父母的新圣经。反应出来的却是父母私底下的各种焦虑。事实是为人父母的快乐程度比没有孩子的同龄人是低下的。
快乐的意义:Flow,Milhaly Csikszentimihalyi在快乐的秘密中解释,快乐在心理学是指全力以赴的沁入的过程。作画,高效工作,打电子游戏,设计,这些活动是高度structured,全情投入后会有回报的过程,干这些事情的时候会进入zone,这种境界就是快乐。而家庭生活事关义务,角色,没有所谓的结构,完全就是无聊,体会不出任何flow.
缺乏睡眠是育儿的首要大敌。吃和睡是人类生存本能。在孩子的来临睡变成了奢侈。有孩子的父母平均睡眠是6小时。持续缺睡的直接后果身体上状态是基本是合法醉驾。6小时和7小时睡眠直接形成经济收入的代沟是3万和9万的差别。有小孩的母亲收入和没有小孩的同龄女人收入高过男女同等工作的收入差别。持续缺睡的直接后果是忍耐程度降低,易怒,越是克制,爆发的程度和规模越大。这就是为什么几乎所有母亲yell吼的原因。这对于育儿达人提倡的状态基本上是致命的。Womenpay steep economic price for being amother。女人在因为要当母亲在经济上付出的代价是沉重的。
有孩子后婚姻工作友谊和自我全部解构。工作上,上班与否你都有负罪感。你由一个自治的成年人变成受制者。中产的美国人,现代地球人都曾经有'infinitepromise to exploit every once of it; have it all;'的人生信念,生怕missingout,生怕自己的可能和潜力没有发觉完。那么有孩子后,你是动物的心植物的人。心动不能行动。很多人很难认清和接受makepeace没有负累的生活是no life。焦虑。。。。
中产住在郊区育儿的父母,不论是奶妈还是奶爸,都要面临社交上的isolation。郊区大家都独门独户,邻居随时串门的现象消失多年了;中产一般都受过高等教育,受教程度高,你的mobility移动性就大,这导致很多中产家庭和extendedfamily亲戚朋友住得远,less tie on family,育儿上你就单枪匹马自己弄,没人帮得了你;
育儿社会设施福利上,美国是第三世界。没有带薪产假不说,childcare的花费基本是一个家长的工资。这就是为什么法国荷兰比利时斯堪的那为亚的母亲们比美国母亲要快乐得多的原因。
一个和成年人打交道多年的父母在面对大脑前额皮质未曾发育完全的5岁以下小儿要用逻辑和道理行事是不可能的。这些小东西生活在现在时。如果大人的大脑是聚光灯,小朋友的是散光灯。任何照亮的物体事件都可以吸引他们,所以母亲们永远都在multitasking。育儿生活中你的时间变成了碎片。同时做多件事的后果是效率低下。焦虑。这和工作上班时要求的效率相悖。现代母亲每日花在育儿的时间升至比60年代美国全职母亲一统天下的时间更多更长。这种焦虑的情绪自然是要传递给小朋友的。
小朋友大些了,中国有'小皇帝'“小祖宗”的说法,美国一样。自打童工被禁止以后,大家都开始迷惑起来,家里到底谁当家作主?Filiarchy时代来领,kids run theshow.现代育儿需要越来越多的学校教育和课外活动确保小孩的未来成功。K--K12,大学完成后如果幸运的话,小孩像父母一样可以步入中产。所有这些都需要分数来证明。SAT,GPA,AP加课外活动。由于对孩子未来不确定,家长的目标是培养比自己更优秀的???,为了什么都别拉下,放学后小朋友的时间被各种活动填满。1980年大家都一窝蜂学日文,日本崛起了嘛;现今大家都该学普通话,谁知道全球化后中国会主导经济?Parentingis not simply about raising a child but transforming a child,forcefeeding it like a foie grasgoose.听起来好耳熟啊。原来美国家长也是填鸭式教育。这些家长全力以赴当车夫,陪坐家庭作业,练琴,足球联赛,小孩如果不参加学校以外的活动基本交不到朋友。75年有小孩的夫妇单独在一起的时间是12.4小时/周,2000年是9小时/周。目前可能更少。夫妇两人一同陪小孩比赛的时间也算是单独约会soccergame--is new date night。母亲们做公益的时间大幅度减少,即便做也看在孩子的面上,it is a gift of service for the sake ofour kids。至于餐桌?家庭日?homework is our dinner。看我家的餐桌,一样一样的。。。。it is astudy hall,work shops for kids project and crafttable.无论孩子做什么都需要父母的full saturation involvement。课外活动concertedcultivation is the province of the most narcisssisticparents。那些在赛场外大打出手的家长们时不时要在新闻播出。我家孩子爸爸也逐渐对孩子的跆拳道游泳课加压,有点培养trophychild的势头。。。。
爷爷来芝加哥过周末。在孙子们的跆拳道课上。我在帮小宝做学校万圣节的功课。去年是埃及主题。今年是中世纪主题。




早两年我还在讥笑虎妈蔡美儿。现今我终点回到起点。开始对小朋友加压。
这本书我看到青春期就不想看了。这里,美国,没有我想像的神话。我们的bundle ofjoy,现实确实给了我们欢乐,时不时带回自己的童年,反刍作为人,作为自己的一些个欣喜,aspire somethingbetter,creat and build and back to human of who weare。培养成人的路子艰辛还在继续。而我除了反复我父母我反感的育儿历程,好像没有更好的路可走。
和小朋友采集秋天的证据。今年的hedge apples好大!
在向一个'天才儿童'的妈妈取经,向提高大宝的阅读。这位热心的妈妈和我你来我往好几个回合。她给我开的书单和练习。。。。天才是这样练成的。。。。就这样还不够,她的天才儿子课外上私立辅导课。50块45分钟那种。我就赶鸭子上架自己辅导吧。。。他儿子和我大宝同年级。小学二年级。她的小孩学前班的阅读就已经超过1000本书了。。。我的妈呀。。。

1) Reference Books:

Grade 2 Phonics -

Grade 2 Reading Comprehension –

Grade 2 Language Arts –

Grade 2 Test Prep -

2)Sight Words by Grade Level – SeeAttached

3) Free 2ndGrade ReadingComprehension & Math

·Ifyou just use the free portion, you do not need to register andpayJ

·Justmore practices. You can use this website onceJacob has competed with the worksheets from the workbook (morestructure).

3) Good Picture Books with Decent Words:

>> Some of the books are too easy for Jacobbut might be good for Michael.

Thomas, Jan’s Collection (this is easy but fun)

Pumkin Trouble

Here comes the Big, Mean, Dust Bunny!

Ryming Dust Bunnies!

The Easter Bunny's Assistant

Is Everybody Ready for Fun?

What will Fat Cat sit on?

The Doghouse

A birthday for Cow!

Can you Make a Scary Face

Let's Sing a Lullaby with the Brave Cowboy

Allen, Jonathan’s Collection (this is easy and fun too)

Don't Copy Me!

The Little Rabbit Who Liked to Say MOO!

I'm Not Cute!

I'm Not Scared!

I'm Not Sleepy!

Dr. Suess’s Collection (Rhyming is a very important skills tomaster in reading and these books have wonderful rhymingwords)

I can Read with My Eyes Shut!

Oh! The Things you can Think!

Mr. Brown can Moo! Can you?

Great Day for UP

Marvin K. Mooney Will You Please Go Now

Hop on Pop

The Foot Book

The Knee Book

The Tooth Book

The Belly Book

Because a Little Bug Went Ka-Choo!

Fox in Socks

I Am Not Going to Get Up Today!

The Cat in The Hat

The Cat in The Hat Comes Back

Money, Money, Honey Bunny!

Green Eggs and Ham

Would you Rather be a Bullfrog?

In a People House

The Shape of Me and Other Stuff

One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish

Please Try to Remember the First of Octember

There's a Wocket in my Pocket!

A Fish Out of Water

Ten Apples Up On Top!

Summer

Flap Your Wings

The Best Nest

Horton Hatches the Egg

Horton Hears a Who!

Happy Birthday To You!

Sleep Book

I Can Lick 30 Tigers Today!

Would you Rather be a Pollywog?

Safari, So Good! All About African Wildlife

Margret & H.A. Rey's Collections (Most boys like CuriousGeorge as he is very silly)

Curious George at the Parade

Curious George and the Dump Truck

Curious George Dreaam

Curious George Goes to the Beach

Curious George Builds a Home

Curious George and the Pizza

Curious George Cleans Up

Curious George Pinata Party

Curious George Takes a Trip

Curious George The Boat Show

Curious George Race Day

Curious Goerge Dinosaur Tracks

Curious George The Perfect Carrot

Curious George Roller Coaster

Cousins, Lucy’s Collections

I'm The Best

Maisy Goes to the Library

Maisy Goes Camping

Maisy Goes on a Sleepover

Maisy Goes on Vacation

Maisyt Makes Lemonade

Maisy Cleans Up

Maisy at the Fair

Maisy Takes a Bath

Maisy's Morning on the Farm

Mayer, Mercer Collections

Little Critter Little Red Riding Hood

Little Critter Jack and the Beanstalk

Little Critter Handel and Gretel

Little Critter - Just me in the tub

Little Critter - Critters of the night if you dream a dragon

Little Critter - Critters of the night no flying in the hall

Little Critter - All By Myself

Little Critter - It's Earth Day!

Little Critter - The best teacher ever

Little Critter - Our Friend Sam

Little Critter - Class Trip

Little Critter - Good Night, Little Critter

Little Critter - Our Tree House

Little Critter - Surprise

Little Critter - Where's Kitty

Little Critter - Where's My Sneaker

Little Critter - Where's My Frog

Little Critter - Just me and My Mom

Little Critter - Just Shopping with Mom

Little Critter - Just A Baseball Game

Little Critter - Just Lost!

Little Critter - Just For you

Little Critter - Just me and My Little Brother

Little Critter - Just A Thunderstorm

Little Critter - Just A New Neighbor

Little Critter - Just Me and My Dad

Little Critter - Just A Bully

Little Critter - Just A Day At the Pond

Little Critter - Just Going to The Dentist

Little Critter - Just A Little Homework

Little Critter - Just Not Invited

Little Critter - Just A Snowman

Little Critter - Good for Me and You

·Thereare more from this collection

Numeroff, Laura Collections

If you Give a Dog a Donut

If you Give a Cat a Cupcake

If you Give a Moose a Muffin

If you Give a Pig a Pancake

If you Give a Pig a Party

If you Give a Mouse a Cookie

If you Take a Mouse to School

If you Take a Mouse to the Movies

The Best Mouse Cookie

What Puppies Do Best

Cronin, Doreen’s Collection

Dooby Dooby Moo

Giggle, Giggle, Quack

Click, Clack, Moo: Cows That Type

Diary of A Fly

Diary of A Worm

Diary of A Spider

Watt, Melanie

Scaredy Squirrel

Scaredy Squirrel at night

Scaredy Squirrel at the beach

Scaredy Squirrel goes camping

Scaredy Squirrel has a birthday party

Scaredy Squirrel make a friend

Scardy Squirrel prepares for Christmas

Scardt Squirrel prepares for Halloween

Arnold, Tedd (Beginner Chapter Books – Very Fun)

I Spy Fly Guy!

There's Fly Guy in My Soup!

Buss Boy and Fly Guy

Fly High, Fly Guy!

Hi! Fly Guy

Hooray for Fly Guy!

Ride Fly Guy, Ride

Fly Guy vs. Flyswatter!

·Thereare a few more from this collection

Aesop's Fables (You read to him, he reads to you, you explain tohim the lessons learned and ask him to give you example in reallife)

The Fox and the Grapes

The Fox and the Crow

The Fox and the Stork

The Ant and the Grasshopper

The City Mouse and the Country Mouse

The Heron and the Fish

The Lion and the Mouse

The Boy Who Cried Wolf

The Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

·Thereare a few more from this collection

4) Good ChapterBooks:

1)Natethe Great Series - mystery

2)CampJansen Series – mystery

3)GeronimoStilton Series

4)MagicTree House Series – fantasy

5)OliviaPig Series

6)Frogand Toad Series (I think only 4 books)

7)MercyWatson Series (by Kate Camillo)

8)FlatStanley Series

9)CaptainAwesome Series

10)TheNotebook of Doom Series

11)MagicSchool Bus Series (Great information about Science)

Additional Books

·Forthe Non-Fiction Books – at this age, just pick up books about theSolar System, Insects - Lifecycle, Weather, Seasons, State ofMatters (Gas, Solid, and Liquid)

·ChildrenThesaurus Book is a good way to improvevocabulary. At this age, aside from thedefinition, they need to know the synonyms, anonyms, and homophonesof the words.

You should be able to find ALL books from thelibrary. If they don’t have it,you can request for them to order thebooksJ

Good Luck!!!!!

Dylan is a natural reader(my dad, elder brother and my husband all love to read but ME), sohe gets it from themJ

He went through 1,000+ books when he was in Kindergarten LoL Hestarted with good picture books, then moved onto chapter booksafter 6 months. He lovesfantasy and funny books.Magic TreeHouse(very popular series)andCaptainUnderpants(the content this series not thatgreat but most boys were talking about it) were his favorite serieswhen he was at Kindergarten. When he was at firstgrade, my husband started him with Harry Potter and he was hookedwith it. I have decided to lethim stop at book 5 for now as the content is not really thatappropriate for his age.

I would suggest you to go through two things with Jacob. 1)Comprehension – answers related questions after he read abook. 2) Test taking skills – he should notproceed without double checking to ensure that’s he has selectedthe absolute best possible answer – after logicalelimination. They cannot go back to the previousquestion after they click continue, proceed. Askhim to take his time to read, re-read ifnecessary. The answer might not always bedirectly there but he should be able to figure it out afterre-reading it.

Hopethese suggestions help!

  

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