爱华网我觉得我明显out了，在msn弹出的新闻里发现然后又在微博里搜索出了原文时，觉得倘若在上班，此爆炸性邮件应该被forward来forward去很多遍才对，还有各种方言版本。很不善良的讲，我已经很久没看过这么来劲的东西了。不禁一边看一边发出啧啧赞叹。两位白骨精不仅行文如流水，关键是立意的角度很精彩。
原配Lily与幸福的左右逢源的男主角结婚13载，但8年前感情破裂，5年前讨论离婚。（婚姻让人绝望，现在还没听说哪个70后80后的实质婚姻超过8年的。虽然我们中的绝大多数人还没到那个年纪，通常情况是不到5年就崩溃了。）Lily轻描淡写了两个具体的事件：一是去年底她自己带孩子回美国过圣诞而同一天下午老公就和情妇去了普吉岛双宿双栖，二是孩子们在家里发现情妇Diana的衣服时认为那是魔鬼而女儿长大了不想结婚。贯穿整个邮件的中心思想就是，你破坏了我们的家庭伤害了我们的感情，你是如此残忍。尽管最后我祝你幸福的跟我的老公生活在一起，但你忍心吗？吗？？吗？？？
这种示弱的态度在任何个人情感争斗中都是一个Must。老子说“弱者生存”，唯独示弱才有可能使小三和老公感到一丝不忍与不安，就算最后还是米有办法把丈夫揽回来（可能性不高于中五百万），至少也能获得众人的同情和支持，搞不好还能靠口水把他们淹个半死心存愧疚至少能好好对孩子或者多给点钱什么的。任何撒泼或者公开叫嚣只能让男人吃了秤砣般加速逃离破碎婚姻拥抱小三的怀抱。所以觉得Lily虽然没去老公门口挂个牌子胡闹，但把这封邮件to给这么多人，其暴力程度跟心酸柔弱的邮件本身完全不是一个作风。估计已然决定玉石俱焚，我Lily Zhang带着两个孩子孤儿寡母不好混，你小子也甭想在逍遥快活，我就不信“作风问题”对你的工作一点影响都没有。当然这招仅适用于经济实力雄厚，即便一个人拉扯孩子也不在话下的伟大母亲，如Lily Zhang般的超级白骨。
窃以为最精彩的是作为小三的Diana的回复。我看到的转载文章标题是‘Chinese Banker Divorce Turns Nasty After HusbandAnd Mistress Publicly Humiliated Over Email And TheWeb。在被humiliated的情况下，Diana的邮件只用了一句话就把劣势给转了回来，那就是“a marriage can only break apart from theinside”，婚姻只可能从内部崩溃，多么有道理的诗句。而且Diana的整封邮件的主旨非常鲜明，那就是邮件的第一段：I sincerely hope that you will find a way to dealwith it that is the best for you and your children.
在这点上我强烈同意Diana，在任何情况下都要保护自己的孩子，让他们的感情不受伤害。尽管自己已经撕心裂肺万箭穿心，也有必要给孩子营造快乐，不要让他们仇恨自己的爸爸，尤其是爸爸还深爱着他们。
其实倘若这个时候天上掉下来一个男性天使，跟Lily情投意合，也喜欢这对孩子，估计她也就不会这么痛苦并向拼命拽住正在拼命跳出沼泽的丈夫。只是问题在于这种天使不是随便能从天上掉下来。所以Lily不得不在一段时间里忍受着寂寞和无助，地球上人太多，老天爷不是能同时一一都照顾到。
看看现在的离婚率，北京39%，美国大概50%（第一次结婚，二婚三婚比例更高），而法国的离婚率43%，之所以比想象得低是因为结婚的人越来越少（以上数据Powered by Google，准确度不详）。也就是说我们每个人都得做好心理准备，当年我怎么就瞎了眼跟他/她结了婚。我们中将近一半的人将来某一天也许都需要背着过往婚姻的行李重新上路，这并不让人开心，但却必须去面对。Diana提到的态度十分重要，Wouldn't it make more sense, for the sake of thechildren's wellbeing, to emphasize to them that both their parentswill always love them even though one parent will not be livingwith them all the time? I do not see what benefitthere could possibly be to teach the children to hate their ownfather.当然这有个重要前提，是Yale is the children's father and will alwaysbe. I am sure he will always love them and be thebest father he can be to them。如果真的碰上个母狗的儿子，连孩子都不要，那就真的很要命了。
我的朋友L家里有5个孩子，3个包括他自己是爸爸这边的，2个是妈妈那边的，实际上他跟妈妈那边的两个孩子并没有一点血缘关系，但这次回巴黎他给所有人买了礼物，而且提到他的妹妹和妈妈时他并没有用继母或者其他词汇去标明他们实际上没有半毛钱关系。我明不知道L的生母去了哪里，或许不是离婚而是早逝，但我们挺需要这种和谐的。
Diana的邮件绝大部分都在说孩子，但也为自己做了些捍卫。比如她说大伙都知道她是在Lily的婚姻崩溃以后才碰到Yale的，如果这是真的，那Diana应该不算严格意义上的小三。最给劲的一句话：If there's anything that is worse than sleeping inthe arms of another woman's husband, it is sleeping in the arms ofsomeone who resents you, cannot stand you and wants to run awayfrom you whenever he gets a chance. 把Lily本来对自己似乎夺人所爱的无耻行为的抨击反过去转变成对Lily事已如此还死缠烂打的同情甚至偷笑，这样在战略上藐视了敌人。
强烈建议走过路过的收藏这三封邮件，或许很多人已经这么做了。不管将来是原配还是小三都肯定用得着。无论将来你的内心多么强大外表也一定要很柔弱。但如果要更好的活着就必须得反过来说，外表无论多么柔弱内心一定要很强大。让我想起了新时代女性的新标准：
上得了厅堂，下得了厨房，杀得了木马，翻得了围墙，开得起好车，买得起好房，斗得过小三，打得过流氓。
唉，如果真是这样，还要男人干什么…重申麦姐名言：男人和自慰器的区别仅仅是后者不会剪草。
附原文：
发件人: Zhang, Lily[mailto:lily.zhang@credit-suisse.com]
发送时间: 2010年2月23日 10:23
主题: Dear friends ... Moving on ..
Dear friends,
After 13 years and 2 beautiful children together, Yale and Ihave parted our ways. Yale moved out last week.
Dear Diane/Tao Dan Yang,
Over the past couple of years, you knew everything about myfamily. You knew when my kids had their soccer tournaments, youknew when they had their swimming practices. You even knew theirbaby nicknames. On December 18th, 2009, on a noon flight, I took mychildren to the U.S. for Christmas vacation. On the very same day,December 18th, 2009, on an afternoon flight, you and Yale took offfor the beaches of Phuket and shopping streets of Bangkok forChristmas vacation. Diane, as a fellow woman, I often wondered ifthe level of ecstasy this vacation had brought you equates to thelevel of devastation this vacation had brought to my children andme. Diane, I often asked myself what was it like for you to sleepin the arms of another woman's husband, other children's father? Iwondered if you ever thought about us, the children and the wife,that we are made of flesh and blood, that we have feelings, that wecould get hurt, very hurt, devastatingly hurt. I pondered if youknew you were destroying a family, if you knew your joy would bringendless tears to us.
We went to Beijing last week for Chinese New Year. Yourclothes were in our Beijing home. My son screamed:" Mommy, don'ttouch those, they are disgusting! Set them on fire, burn them tohell. They are the devil's cloth!" My children are hurt. Mydaughter, 9 years old, now says "Mommy, I don't ever want to getmarried." My son, 8 years old, says "Diane is our Voldemort!" Thepsychological damage this affair has done to my children iscatastrophic. They are forever emotionally damaged. With this, Iannounce you the winner.
How do I feel, Diane? This affair is like 10 thousand knivesstabbing and chopping my heart all at once. This affair has left mein so much pain that I don't know how to heal myself. This affairhas taught me tear supply can actually be infinite. This affair hascrushed me, leaving me a corpse walking around with no heart. Idon't know how to deal with this kind of pain. I don't know how tomove on. But I have children. I must move on. Diane, I pray to Godthat you will never have to experience this kind of betrayal andhurt. I wish you and Yale a happy life together because, after all,we are all women and we all deserve to be happy.
With sincere regards,
Lily
**************************************************************************
发件人: Yale Yang[mailto:yale.yang@gbridge.biz]
发送时间: 2010年2月23日 11:14
收件人: Zhang, Lily
主题: Re: Dear friends ... Moving on...
Lily,
Please do not bring the personal issues to the public. Thetruth of the facts is that our marriage had been falling apart 8years ago, divorce had been in discussion 5 years ago. Our issuesare known to all the people in the word! Diane had done nothingwrong for her part! I am firmly standing by and behind D【】iane. Iwill certainly hope she will marry me one day soon!
Trying to tell the people how evil I am and Diane is in thisway is not going to succeed! All the people, who knows you, me andour marriage, supported my divorce, including my good friend ZhuWei. I am sorry I have dragged everyone into this. Lily please moveon!
Sincerely yours
Yale
**************************************************************************
发件人: Tao, Diane
发送时间: 2010年2月25日 10:25
收件人: Zhang, Lily
主题: Re: Dear friends ... Moving on...
Dear Lily,
I understand that you are going through a difficult time inyour personal life, and I sincerely hope that you will find a wayto deal with it that is the best for you and yourchildren.
I do understand how you feel. I alsounderstand, however, that a marriage can only break apart from theinside. I do not appreciate your attempt to smearmy reputation and paint me as the home wrecker.You know as well as Yale does that your marriage fell apart longbefore Yale and I even met. Whether or not I amin Yale's life has nothing to do with the eventual outcome of yourmarriage. I am sure you understand this as well,but you nonetheless sought to burn me on the cross as the scapegoatfor your failed marriage, which I do not believe is a mature thingto do.
Your description of the emotional damage your children havesuffered is disturbing indeed. I cannot help butwondering what you have been telling them. Iwould think that a mother's first and foremost priority is toprotect her children from any emotional damage, rather than usingthem as bargaining chips with a spouse or as props to win publicsympathy. Yale is the children's father and willalways be. I am sure he will always love them andbe the best father he can be to them. Wouldn't itmake more sense, for the sake of the children's wellbeing, toemphasize to them that both their parents will always love themeven though one parent will not be living with them all thetime? I do not see what benefit there couldpossibly be to teach the children to hate their ownfather.
You asked me how it was like to sleep in Yale'sarms. I also wanted to ask you, Lily, why wouldyou want to hang on to someone who clearly does not want to be withyou at all? Lily, you are intelligent,highly-educated and you have a high-paying and well-respectedjob. So why did you spend so much time and energytrying to force someone who does not care about you to stay withyou? As a fellow woman I want to ask you this,don't you think you deserve better? If there'sanything that is worse than sleeping in the arms of another woman'shusband, it is sleeping in the arms of someone who resents you,cannot stand you and wants to run away from you whenever he gets achance. So Lily, why would you want to putyourself in that situation? Once again, don't youthink you deserve better?
I sincerely hope that the pain you are currently feeling willsubside soon and you can turn a new leaf in yourlife. Please remember, you can lose a job, youcan lose a spouse, but you should never loseyourself. And please, do not vent your negativefeelings on your children. They areinnocent. Please always keep in mind their bestinterests rather than your own. You deserve truehappiness, and I hope that you will find it soon.
Best regards,
Diane
