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1
(woman)Everyone,pleasetake
yourseats.Youheardthebell.
2
Youknowwhatitmeans.
Lastweek,
3
theassignmentwas
towriteanessayaboutyourfamily.
4
-Whothey...
-(class)Are!
5
Andwhatthey...
6
(all)Meantous!
7
Excellentdroning.Solwant
everyonetotakeouttheiressays.
8
We'regoingtoreadthemaloud
totheclassrightuphere.
9
Mymomsaysthatmeandmydad
haveveryhealthyappetites.
10
Mymomanddadareveryreligious.
11
Whenthey'reintheirbedroomatnight,
lalwayshearthemyelling,''Jesus!''
12
Mymomsaysmydad'seyesarebrown
becauseheissofullofsh...
13
(teacher)Brian!
14
MybrotherJackisineighthgrade.
15
Hetoldmetoaskmydad
whohevotedfor...
16
for...forPresident.
17
ldidandmyDadsaid
he'satotalBush-man.
18
Thatmademybrotherlaughreallyhard.
19
WhenevermyUncleStu
comesovertoplaypoolwithmydad,
20
mymomsaysthebasementsmells
likeaCheechandChongmovie.
21
Well...it'slikethis.
22
Mydogatemypaper.
23
lchecked,buthedidn'tpoopitout.
24
(classlaughing)
25
Whatalovelysentiment,
Mr.Etheridge.
26
Maybeyourdogcaneatthezero
you'llbereceivingtoo.
27
-Aw,man!
-(boy)Harsh.
28
MissTrinke?
lt'syourturnnow.
29
Mydadsayslifecanbe
splitintotwocategories:
30
NewJersey...andNewYork.
31
(musicplaying)
32
(girl)MydadwasaJerseyboy
whobecametheyoungest
33
andmostsuccessfulmusicpublicist
inNewYorkCity.
34
Bythetimehewas27,
hehad100peopleworkingforhim.
35
Andeventhoughtheyalllovedhim,
helovedthemevenmore.
36
Myfellowflacksandspindoctors.
37
Salud.
38
(girl)Daddylovedhisjob,
butnotasmuchashelovedmymom.
39
Mommywasabookeditorin
NewYorkCitywhenherandDaddymet.
40
Daddysaidtheirjobs
werekindofthesame...
41
theymadeslightcorrections
fortheirclients.
42
BecauseGeorgeMichaelisapimp
whoisallabouttheladies,myfriend.
43
Comeon,''lWantYourSex''?
Thatsoundlikehe'ssingingtoaguy?
44
Daddyworkedsomuchthatsometimes
Mommycouldonlyseehimlateatnight.
45
Daddysaysthat'swhythey
bothlovedthecitysomuch-
46
itneverwenttosleep.
47
AndneitherdidhimandMommy.
48
Butafterayearofromance
inNewYorkCity,
49
Daddysaiditwastime
toshowMommywherehecamefrom.
50
SohetookherhometoNewJersey
andputherthroughwhathesaid
51
wasthebiggesttest
theirlovewouldeverface:
52
''Introducinghertomypop.''
53
-Hey,howareya?
-How'reyadoin'?
54
-How'reyadoin'yourself?
-ThisisGertrude.
55
Hi.MerryChristmas.
56
-Andwhatdoyoudo,Mr.Trinke?
-Easyonthe''Mr.Trinke''.lt'sBart.
57
lworkfortheborough,
for30yearsnow.
58
He'stheonlymaninHighlands
licensedtooperatethestreetsweeper.
59
Oh,man,lalwayswanted
torideinoneofthosethings.
60
Well,youcontinueseeingmyson,
lcanprobablygetyouaturnatthewheel.
61
lwasonlygonnasleepwithhim
afewmoretimesandthendumphim,
62
butnow,afteranofferlikethat...
63
Holyshit.
Listentothemouthonthisone!
64
Oh,yeah,theydon'tmake'em
likeMomanymore,dothey,Dad?
65
-Now,listen,l'mgoin'tothebar.
-Whatashock.
66
lfyouguysaregonnadoanything
whilel'mgone,staythehelloffofmybed.
67
-You'regoingtoabar?
-Didn'thetellya?l'manalcoholic.
68
-Well,lwannagotothebartoo.
-No,youdon'twannagotothisbar.
69
lt'sabunchofoldguystalkin'about
howgoodtheyhaditunderKennedy.
70
Themanwasagoddamnsaint.
71
l'mgoin'tothebarwithyourdad.
Youcancomeifyouwant.
72
No,that'sOK.
l'llstayhereanddothedishes.
73
lonlycooked.
Whyshouldn'tlclean?
74
Suityourself.
Butdon'twashthatpan.
75
lgotalayerofjuicebuiltupforthepork
roll,andldon'twantyouscrubbin'itoff.
76
That''juice''iscalledgrease,Dad.
77
lt'sbadforyou.
ltclogsyourarteries.
78
lt'scalledjuice.
Anditgreasesafather'sinsides
79
sothathecanbetterswallow
theshithissonfeedshimtwiceayear
80
whenhecanbebothered
comingtovisithim.
81
(girl)Sothatnight,
DaddytookMommytoPop'sbar,
82
whereshegottomeet
Pop'sotherchildren,
83
hisbestfriendsGreenieandBlock.
84
Hey,yourkid'scuttin'arug.
85
Whoareyou,ConnieChung?
86
Daddysaid,becauseMommy
survivedherfirsttriptoJersey,
87
heknewshewasakeeper.
88
Hesaidtheycelebratedtheir
engagementbygoingoutforpizza.
89
Andthat'showIgothere.
90
Dowehaveenoughoftheseathome,
orshouldlstealsome?
91
lfyou'regonnastealsomething,
stealsomerubbergloves.
92
(knocking)
93
-Thankyou!
-You'rewelcome!
94
Andwiththat,
everyonelivedhappilyeverafter.
95
Almost.
96
Look,you'vegottwominutes,
andthenwehavetogo,OK?
97
-Orl'mgonnaleave.
-Wouldyoustoprushingme?
98
ldon'tunderstandhowsomebodywhohad
alldaysittingaroundtogetready
99
waitstill20minutes
beforewehavetoleave!
100
Youtrygettinganythingaccomplished
withthisbiggutinyourway!
101
Thisisoneofthefewdaysoftheyear
thatlcanbefiredforbeinglate!
102
Anytimethatyouwannacarrythisbaby,
Ollie,youletmeknow!OK?
103
lwouldbegladtogobacktowearing
regulardressesinsteadofthistent!
104
Thedresslooksfine.
lt'sgorgeous,OK?lt'sbeautiful.
105
Yeah,untill'mstandingnextto
JanetJacksonorSherylCrow.
106
Thenyou'llseehownotfineitlooks.
107
Gertie,laskedyou,please,
touseyourownbrush,OK?
108
-Canyoujustnotusemybrush?
-Don'tstart.
109
lt'sjustthat
everytimelwannacombmyhair
110
lspend15minutestakingthese
long,bushyhairsoutofmybrush.
111
Andlmean,youaskmeto...
112
(crying)
113
l'msorry.
114
Baby,l'msorry.
l'msorry.
115
Youdon'tunderstand
whatit'sliketobethisfat!
116
l'vealwaysbeenthin,
andnowl'madisgustingpig!
117
Andit'smyfirsttime
goingtotheVideoMusicAwards
118
andalltheothergirlsaregonnabeskinny,
andl'mgonnalooklikeawhale!
119
Baby,baby,they'rejustskinny
'causethey'reallcoked-outwhores.
120
lwannabeacoked-outwhore!
121
OK,youcanbeacoked-outwhoretoo.
122
Youcanbeacoked-out,coked-outwhore.
123
-l'msorry.
-lshouldbemoresensitive.l'msorry.
124
lshouldbemoresensitive,honey.
lknow.
125
-Yes.
-lknow.
126
-Baby,wehavetogonow,OK?
-OK.
127
-lloveyou.Wehavetogonow.
-OK.
128
-lloveyoutoo.
-Allright,let'sgo.OK?
129
Justgivemetwominutes.
130
-(Ollie)Whattimeisit?
-(man)20after.
131
-She'sgonnakillme!
-lneedthequotefortheMadonnarelease.
132
OK.''Madonnatruststhepublic
willjudgeforitselfthat...
133
thislatestinalongline
ofbreakthroughmusicvideos
134
isnotthetastelesssexploitation
it'saccusedofbeing.''
135
-''lt'sartisticexpression.''
-Ofwhat?
136
Ofonewoman'sconstantneed
toshowtheworld...herlabia.
137
Hey,canlusetheword''labia''
inapressrelease?
138
Seeyounextweek.
139
Oneofthesedays,l'llgetmeoneof
thosehusbandsthatshowupforLamaze.
140
l'msorry,babe.ltwasMadonna.
141
Soyouwerelate
becauseofanotherwoman.That'snice.
142
-Comeon.lstillgottadomyjob.
-Andlstillgottadominetoo.
143
ButlwasatLamazeontime.
144
Look,alll'msayingis
145
thatguywhousedtospendallnightat
theofficeandbarelyliveinhisapartment?
146
That'snotyouanymore.
147
Nowyouhavetobetheguy
who'sdonebysix
148
andcomeshome
andhangsoutwithhisfamily.
149
That'stheonlywaywe'regonnawork.
150
OK?
151
OK.
152
-OK.
-OK.
153
OK!
154
-OK.
-OK.
155
(panting)
156
-Canlhelpyou?
-Yes.
157
Mywife'swaterbroke.
She'sgonnahaveababy.
158
-You'regonnahavetocheckin,hon.
-Checkin?!
159
Where,attheconciergedesk?!Why
areyoubeingsocombativewithme?!
160
Firstofall,
takeyourhandsoffmyuniform.
161
Andsecond,
l'mgonnaneedapatienthere.
162
Thisismywife.
Thisisthebelligerentnurse
163
that'sbeingsodifficultwithme,
givingmesuchahardtime.
164
-l'msorry.He'salittlepanicky.
-Canlgetawheelchair?
165
-Let'sgetyouuptodelivery...
-OK.
166
-...andlethimfilloutthepaperwork.
-OK.
167
-lfwecantrusthimwithapen.
-Here,sweetie.
168
OK,justrelax,breathe.
Remember,takeiteasy.
169
lloveyou.
l'llberightthere,OK?lloveyou.
170
-lloveyoutoo.
-OK,lloveyou.
171
We'vepracticedthis1,000times.
lt'llbegreat.Howhardcanitbe?
172
(screaming)
173
-Push!You'redoinggood.
-(doctor)You'redoingrealgood.
174
-No,lcan't!lcan'tdoit!
-(doctor)Takeabreath.
175
-lthurts!
-lknowithurts.
176
lt'sOK,baby.
Push.Youcandoit.
177
(doctor)Takeadeepbreath.
lnfive,four...
178
-OK?Hereyougo.
-...three,two,one.
179
(doctor)Push.Pushharder,Gertie.
Pushharder.
180
Thebaby'scrowning.lcanseeher.
ljustneedonemorepush.
181
-Canyouseeher?
-Holyshit!lcanseethehead!
182
-(doctor)Onemore.Breathe.
-Push!lt'salmostthere,baby.
183
Push!You'redoingit.Push!
184
Push!
185
(doctor)Hereshecomes!
Hereshecomes!
186
Heresheis.
187
-Doyouwannacutthecord,Dad?
-Yeah.
188
Scissors,please.
189
Yes!Andshe'sgotalltenfingers,
tentoes.
190
We'llgetherallcleanedup
andthenwe'regonnacheck...
191
Gertie?
192
-(Ollie)Baby,look.
-Gertie?
193
Gertie!
194
Gertie,canyouhearme?
195
-She'sOK.Sweetheart?
-Nurse,getDr.Mortimerrightaway!
196
(Ollie)She'sresting.
Who'sDr.Mortimer?
197
Dr.Mortimer!
198
-What'shappening?
-(doctor)She'sunresponsive.
199
-(nurse)Gertie!
-Gertie!Gertie!
200
Gertie,it'sme!
Gertie?
201
(doctor)Healthybaby.
Unresponsive.
202
-(doctor)Respiratoryarrest.
-(nurse)Turnitaround!
203
-What'shappeningtomywife?
-Let'sopenthatlV,please.
204
Baby,areyouOK?
Sweetheart,sweetheart,wakeup!
205
Please,someonetake
Mr.Trinkeoutside.Please!
206
l'mgonnahavetointubate.
207
Gertie,wakeup,mylove.
Wakeup.
208
Gertie,please.Wakeup.
209
Getoffme!
Gertie!
210
lwannastaywithmywife!
Gertie!Gertie!
211
What'shappening?!
212
-Ollie...
-lfldon'tgettogointhererightnow...
213
-lsweartoGod!
-Ollie...Ollie,calmdown.
214
Fuckyou,calmdown!
OK?!
215
lgotdraggedoutofthere,
lhaven'tgottoseemybaby!
216
Yourbabyisfine.
She'shealthy,she'snormal.
217
-What'swrongwithGertie?
-lneedyoutocalmdownbeforel...
218
Look,l'mcalm!
OK?!
219
(exasperatedsigh)
220
l'mcalm.
221
WethinkGertiehadananeurysm.
222
lssheOK?
223
Welosther,Ollie.
224
Thestrainofthecontractionsandthe
pushingcausedtheaneurysmtorupture.
225
Therearerarelysymptoms
foraneurysms...
226
(#''That'sHowIKnewThisStory
WouldBreakMyHeart''byAimeeMann)
227
#Idrewapictureofyou
228
#Youandyouranchortattoo
229
#AndsawthefacethatIknew
230
#Coveredinshame
231
#Youdrewthebirdthatwashere
232
#Thekindofsweetchanticleer
233
#Butwithaterriblefear
234
#Thatthecagecouldn'ttame
235
#That'showIknewthestory
wouldbreakmyheart
236
#Whenyou'reolder
237
#That'showIknewthestory
wouldbreakmyheart
238
(Ollie)Yousureyou'reOK
withthis,Dad?
239
What,OK?
She'smygranddaughter.
240
Yeah,youcanstay
withmeanytime,can'tyou?
241
Yes,youcan.
242
Untilyou'reateenager,
withtheboysandareefer.
243
Thenldon'twannaknowaboutyou.
244
lwouldn'timposeonyou,youknow.
245
ljustgotalotofwork...
piledupfrombeforeand...
246
-l'llbebacklatetonight,OK?
-Yeah,takeyourtime.
247
Yourdaddyreallymisses
yourmommy,kid.lmisshertoo.
248
Especiallyrightnow.
249
-(farting)
-Oh,Jesus!
250
(knocking)
251
Yeah.
252
-Youwantedtoseeme,Ollie?
-Yeah,comeonin.
253
ldidn'tthinkyouweregonnabein
thisweek.Howyoudoin'?
254
-Youallright?
-l'mfine.
255
Look,thispieceinthePost.
Whydidn'tyoucallmewhenthisbroke?
256
-lhadtoreadaboutitinNewJersey.
-lt'scool.Thenurseisafan.
257
WillshestillbeafanwhentheEnquirer
flashesastackof50sinherface?
258
Listen,somethinglikethisbreaks,
l'mnotinthecity,
259
youfindmeoryoufindanotherjob.
260
Yeah,OK.
261
OK.
262
Whatelsedowegot?
263
Um,WillSmith.
264
-Who?
-TheFreshPrince?
265
''DJJazzyJeffandtheFreshPrince''
FreshPrince?
266
-Yeah.
-Whatabouthim?
267
Yourememberthefirstalbum,
theonewith''GirlsAin't...
268
-RocktheHouse.Yeah?
-RocktheHouse,right.
269
Yourememberonthecoverofthealbum
JazzyJeffisholdingamodelofahouse?
270
Vaguely.
271
WillSmithisdonatingthathouse
totheHardRockCafe.
272
Well,stopthepresses.
Youputthewordoutyet?
273
-Datepending,yeah.
-Anybodygiveashit?
274
-Everyoutletwantsin.
-You'rekiddingme?
275
No.
EvenUSNewsandWorldReport.
276
Why?lt'saneight-year-oldalbum.
277
Doesn'tmatter.Everyoneloves
thatFreshPrinceTVshow.
278
He'sgotthatmoviecomingout
inacoupleofweeks,IndependenceDay.
279
-Letthefilmdivisionhandleit.
-No,wecan't.
280
Willwantstokeephismusiccareer
separatefromhismoviecareer.
281
LiketheFreshPrinceofBelAir
isevergonnahaveamoviecareer.
282
Getmeeverythingyoucan.l'llputtogether
apresskitonhim,andwe'lljustdoit.
283
OK.
284
-Patty,getmeKirsch.
-(Patty)Sure,Ollie.
285
lcanhandlethisFreshPrincestuff
ifyouwannatakeacoupleofdays...
286
Hey,Arthur,lcandomyjob.
l'mallset,OK?Youdoyourjob.Goahead.
287
Patty,didyounothearme?laskedyou
topleasegetKirschonthephone.
288
-Ollie?
-(Patty)I'mtrying.
289
What,man?
290
lknowltoldyouatthefuneral,
butl'mreallysorry...
291
l'mfine.
OK,Arthur?lamfine!
292
Pleasegodo
whatlaskedyoutodonow.
293
-Kirschneronone.
-OK!Puthimonthephonethen!
294
-How'sthebaby?
-Thebabyisfine,Arthur!
295
Forgetaboutthebaby!
ljustwannadomyjob!
296
(Kirschner)JesusChrist,Ollie!
Whatthehellyouscreamin'about?
297
-Patty,wasthat...
-(turnsintercomoff)
298
(babycrying)
299
(Ollie)I'mworkingonthatrightnow.
Don'tworry.
300
Justgetthereearly
anddealwiththemenu.OK?
301
Hey!Areyoudeaf?
Thekidiscryin'upthere.
302
Canyoudealwiththat?l'mdoing
somethingimportant.OK?Thanks.
303
Whatthehellcouldbemore
importantthanyourkidcrying?
304
lhaveamemorabiliadonation
ceremonyinthemorning
305
thatmycompanyistreating
likearoyalwedding
306
'causeapparentlytheclient'sthemost
belovedAmericanmusiciansinceElvis.
307
Thekid'sbeenscreaming
forthelasttenminutes.
308
lfitbothersyousomuch,
goupthereandgiveherabottle.OK?
309
Sorry.lt'sanightmare
tryingtoworkatthishouse.
310
Jesus!Letmecallyouback,OK?
311
-What,Dad?
-Listen,kid.
312
llostawifetoo,remember?
Solgethowyou'refeelin'.Butcomeon.
313
Youweremarriedforwhat,20years?
lgotabout20minutes.
314
Soyoudon't''get''
howl'mfeelingatall,OK?
315
l'msorry,Oliver,butthatdon'tchange
thefactthatyou'reagoddamnfathernow
316
andyouhaven'tactedlikeit
sincethatkidgothomefromthehospital!
317
lbeencallinginsickforamonthtodo
thethingsyou'resupposedtobedoin'!
318
JesusChrist,ifGertiecouldsee
theshityou'vebeenpulling...
319
Gertiedoesn'tseeanythinganymore,
Dad.She'sdead.
320
Yeah,she'sdead.
321
Butyouain't.
Andneitheristhatkid.
322
(babycontinuescrying)
323
(dialing)
324
Yeah.lt'snothin'.
325
Uh...
326
Allright,sol'mgonnadothekit.
lt'salmostfinished.
327
Youcandealwiththemenu.
Whattime'sWillgettingthere?
328
(babycrying)
329
Dad,thebaby'sup!
330
(cryingcontinues)
331
Dad!Thebabyneedstobefed!
332
Dad!
333
(Bart)Whatthehell...?!
334
Areyounuts?
What,areyoutryingtogetkilled?!
335
-Whatareyoudoing?
-SearchingforChrist.What'sitlooklike?
336
ltwouldhavebeenniceifyou'dtoldme
youwereleavingthehouse!
337
Thatway,lcould'vegivenyouthebaby
insteadofdrivingallthewaydownhere!
338
-Nowl'mgonnahittraffic!
-No,youain'tgivingmethebaby.
339
Hey!Excuseme?
340
lgotuptownanddowntown
todothismorning.
341
-You'reonyourownwiththekidtoday.
-What?!No!
342
lhavethispressconferencelhavetodo
thismorning,Dad!Youknowthat!
343
-lgotajobtodotoo.
-lfldon'tleaverightnow...
344
-Soleave!
-Anddowhatwiththebaby?!
345
-Takeherwithyou!
-Goddamnit!l...
346
Look,lknowlhaven'tbeen
helpingoutthatmuchwiththebaby...
347
Listentoyou,''Helpingout
thatmuchwiththebaby.''
348
She'syourdaughter,
forChrist'ssakes!
349
-Whatamlsupposedtodowithher?!
-Tryactinglikeherfather,shithead!
350
Goddamnit!
351
Folks,l'msorry.
352
-Sorry.Steve.
-Whatthe...?!
353
-lordereddiapers.Didtheygethereyet?
-Youmeanbabydiapers?
354
Whydidn'tyoustarthalfanhourago?
Youshouldn'thavewaitedforme!
355
-We'rewaitingforWill.
-Will'snothere?!
356
-No.
-AreeitherofyouguysTrinket?
357
-Closeenough.Whereishe?
-We'renotsure.
358
Damn!Thatbabysmellslikeshit.
Youknowthat,right?
359
(Arthur)lt'sagoodthing
youfinallyshowedup,man.
360
-They'regettin'allrowdyoutthere.
-Oh,MotherofGod!
361
-What?Jesus...
-Ollie!
362
Ollie,theguyfromRollingStone...
Holyshit!Whatisthatsmell?
363
Growup,Susan!lt'sadirtydiaper.
WhatdidtheRollingStoneguysay?
364
lfwedon'tstartinfiveminutes,
they'releaving
365
togocovertheBluesTraveler
signingatTower.
366
-JesusChrist!
-Hey,you'redoingthatwrong.
367
-What?
-You'redoingthatwrong.
368
You'resupposedtowipefronttoback.
You'rewipingbacktofront.
369
Youdothat,you'rejustwiping
thepoopintoher...
370
..crevice.
371
Getouttahere!Beatit!
372
Markmywords,
you'regonnagiveherthecrotch-rot.
373
-Wouldoneofyoudo...Youdothis.
-Oh,notme.No.
374
Willyoudothis
solcangooutthereandcalmthemdown?
375
Why,becausel'magirl?
l'veneverevenseenanakedbaby.No!
376
Fine.Thankyouverymuch.
l'mgonnarememberthis.
377
-Howmuchofthisamlsupposedtouse?
-Shouldlgetthatguyback?
378
lfit'sforthesmell,
lsuggestyouusealot.
379
Ooh!Yougottaturn...turnit.
Yougottaturnthetop!
380
Oh!Directitatthebaby.
381
Thankyou!Gooutthere,please,
andtellthemwe'reabouttostart!
382
l'dsaymore.
383
That'salot.
384
(musicplaying)
385
Allright,
theFreshPrinceisalmosthere.
386
lsthatblowonyourshirt?
387
Whatdoyouthink,Stretch?
Thisisshowbusiness,right?
388
-Thatwasajoke,people.
-Where'stheFreshPrince?
389
-TheFreshPrinceisonhisway.
-(babycrying)
390
-lt'scrying.Willyoutakeit?
-No!No.
391
-lsthatJazzyJeff?
-(alllaugh)
392
Thisisbullshit!
Where'stheFreshPrince?
393
Willsomeonepleaseshutthatgirlup?
394
EnoughwiththeRomperRoom,man!
BringouttheFreshPrince!
395
(chanting)FreshPrince!FreshPrince!
396
-Pleasetakeher.
-(chantingcontinues)
397
l,uh...
398
Goddamnit!Christ!
Givehertome!Givemethebaby.
399
(chantingcontinues)
400
Wouldyoupeoplejustshutthehellup
withthe''FreshPrince''already?!
401
He'satwo-bitTVactor...
402
whowon'tbearoundanylonger
thanittakesfortheinktodry
403
onthepagesoftheworthlessrags
youjerk-offswritefor!
404
(silence)
405
Shit.
406
-Thatguy'stoast.
-That'sahellofaquote.
407
(#''SwingLowSweetChariot''
byGeorgeJones)
408
(babycrying)
409
#Well,IlookedoverJordan
410
-(Arthurcrying)
-#AndwhatdidIsee?
411
lt'sallright,Arthur.
412
#Comin'fortocarrymehome
413
#Abandofangels
414
#Comingafterme
415
#Comingfortocarrymehome
416
#Swinglow,sweetchariot
417
#Comingfortocarrymehome
418
#Swinglow,sweetchariot
419
#Comingfortocarrymehome
420
#Comingfortocarrymehome
421
Wewon'tbeheretoolong,Dad.
422
We'llbeoutofyourhair
assoonaslgetanotherjob.
423
lhavesomefeelersout
totheotherfirmsrightnow.
424
Assoonasthiswholething
blowsover...
425
lt'sOKtostayhereaslongasyouneedto,
tillyougetbackonyourfeet.
426
-lappreciatethat.
-Ononecondition.
427
-Herewego.
-Youputthekidtobedeverynight.
428
-That'sit?
-Forstarters.
429
Andnowhores.
ldon'twantnowhoresinmyhouse.
430
l'mnotreallyawhoremonger,Dad.
431
Here,thekidgetsthis.
432
That'scute.
8:00,youbothgetabottle.
433
Justshutthehellupandgobeafather,
wouldya,please?
434
No?
435
(clearsthroat)Yeah,thisisonlytemporary,
us...youknow...
436
livingwithyourgrandfatherhere.
437
So...
438
howaboutthatFreshPrincething,huh?
439
ltwasquiteashow.
440
Yourdad'sonebighorse'sass.
441
Daddy'sex-bossessaid
theguyswhodidPRforHitler
442
haveabetterchanceofworkingin
thisbusinessagainthanDaddydoes.
443
So,OK...
444
How'reyoudoin'?
445
Yeah...Youknow,
youkindalooklikeyourmom.
446
Likeasquishier,
balderversionofyourmom.
447
Man...
448
ljustwishyoucould'vegotten
tomeetyourmom.
449
lknowshewantedtomeetyou...
inabig,badway.
450
lnabig,badway.
451
Sometimes,Daddywishes
he'dhavediedinsteadofMommy.
452
BecauseMommyneverwould've...
453
letworkgetinthewayof...
gettingtoknowyou,
454
likeDaddyhasforthelast...
monthorso.
455
lt'sjustthatDaddy...
hedidn'texpectMommy...
456
(sighs)toleavethewayshedid.
457
lt'sjustreallyhardonDaddy,who'sbeen
tryingtofilluphisdayswithwork,
458
sohewouldn'thavetothinkabout
Mommyneverbeingaroundagain.
459
ljustlovedyourmomsomuch.
460
Youknow?
461
Shereallylitmyworldonfire.
462
Whenthathappens...
463
youkindathinkit'llgoonlikethat
untiloneofyoudies.Youknow?
464
Youjustdon'texpect...
465
lmisshersomuch.So,somuch.
466
Andyou'realittlepieceofMommy.And
thatmakesyoureallyspecialtoDaddy.
467
Justdon'tgoanywhere.
468
'Causeyou'rethenextbestthing
toMommy,andlloveyousomuch.
469
Andl'llalwaysbehereforyou.
470
Andl'msorryabout
thewayl'vebeenacting.
471
lpromiseyou...
l'llbebetternow.
472
l'mgonnabethebestdaddy
intheworld.
473
'Causethat'swhatMommywanted.
Andthat'swhatyoudeserve.
474
Andthat'salllamnow.
475
l'mjustyourdad.
476
Yourdadlikestorunoffatthemouth
sometimes,lknow.
477
(sneezes)
478
Yourmotherwasn'tafan,either.
479
Youwannaseeapicture
ofyourmom?lhaveone.
480
Thiswasyourmommy.
Shewasreallypretty.
481
OK.Youcankeepit.
482
Daddy'sgotabunch.
483
Thereyougo.
484
Goodnight,Gertie.
485
(bellringing)
486
(#''WorldsTheyRiseandFall''
byMikeHeron)
487
#Worlds...
488
#Theyriseandfall
489
(Ollie)Gertie!
490
#Withinhereyes
491
Yourchariotawaits,Princess.
492
Let'sgo!
493
Wegottago!Argh!
494
#Toflyinthesky
495
-Howwasschool,good?
-Mm-hm.
496
-Youhaveanicetime?
-Yep.
497
Remembertoputyourseatbelton?
Knowwheretofindit?
498
Yep.
499
Lockandload.
Comin'around.Getready.
500
-Ready?
-Punchit,Chewy!
501
-CanwegoseeCats?
-Absolutelynot.
502
Why?
503
Catswasthesecond-worstthing
thateverhappenedtoNewYorkCity.
504
-Besides,Catsclosedthreeyearsago.
-Weneverdoanythingcool.
505
You'reridin'intheBatmobile,
aren'tya?Howcoolisthat?
506
Oh,myGod.
507
Look,noone'smoredepressedthanme
thatdrivingthestreetsweeper
508
isconsideredtheheight
ofexcitementinmylife.
509
lusedtoliveinNewYorkCity.
510
lcould'vegonetoseeCats
threetimesaday.
511
-lt'snotlikeleveraskforanything.
-Oh-ho-ho!
512
''AndtheOscargoestoGertieTrinke,
513
forherperformancein
LayingItOnThickForMyOldMan.''
514
WhatisitwithyouandCats
allofasudden?
515
lwannasingaCatssong
inthebigshow,likeeverybodyelse.
516
-Whatbigshow?
-There'sgonnabethisbigshowatschool.
517
Allthepeoplehavetosingasong
withpeoplefromtheirfamily.
518
-Areyouinvitingmetothisbigshow?
-Duh!Yeah,youandPoptoo.
519
Oh-ho!l'msurethat'llgoover
hugewithyourpop.
520
CanUncleGreenieandUncleBlock
beinittoo?
521
Thosemenarenotyouruncles.
They'rebarelyevenyourpeers.
522
Pee-ers?
523
-Whenisthisbigshow?
-RightbeforeThanksgivingbreak.
524
Doesithavetobesomething
fromtheBible?
525
ldon'tthinkso.
lsCatsintheBible?
526
TheSatanicBible,yes.
527
-What?
-Whenyoutakinghertoseethecats?
528
Jesus,youtoo?
529
Gertie!
530
DoyouevenknowwhatCatsis,Dad?
531
-What,ldon'treadthepapers?
-Youdon'treadthatpaper.
532
Whatareyoudoingwith
aNewYorkTimes?
533
TheyranoutoftheLedger.
534
Theydon'thavetheJumble
intheTimes,Dad.
535
Shit.
536
-Wherewereyou?
-lwasinthebathroom.
537
-Whydidn'tlhearthetoiletflush?
-Oh.lforgot.
538
OK,marchyourbuttbackupstairs
andflushthattoilet.
539
Andwhenlsaynoaboutsomething,
540
like,ldon'tknow,Cats,maybe,
lmeanno.
541
OK?
542
-Pop,youweresupposedtobesubtle!
-Whydoyouteachherwordslikethat?
543
You'regonnahavetomowthepark
formetomorrow.lcan'tdoit.
544
-Whythehellnot?
-lhaveanappointmentinthecityat11:00.
545
Jesus,kid,
whydoyoukeepdoin'ittoyourself?
546
Howmanyoftheseinterviews
yougottagoon
547
beforeyougetitthrough
yourthickhead
548
theydon'twantyou
inthatbusinessanymore?
549
ForChrist'ssakes,youmadefun
ofthatPrinceCharlesguy.
550
-(toiletflushing)
-Thankyou.
551
Firstofall,Dad,
ldidn't''makefun''ofanybody.
552
lmadeoneremarkaboutWillSmith,
theFreshPrince.
553
Soonerorlater,
everyone'sgonnaforgetaboutthat
554
andl'mgonnagobacktodoing
whatl'mreallygoodat,
555
insteadofsweepingstreets
andplowingsnowandpickingupgarbage.
556
OK?
557
lfyou'regoingintothecityanyway,
atleasttakethekidtoseethecats.
558
(Olliesighs)
559
Oh,God...
560
l'lltellyouwhat,
sincethereisnomoreCats,
561
Gertie,whydon'tyoucomeoverhereand
pickoutanotherplaythatyouwannasee?
562
Lookthroughhere.
Anythingyouwant.Gonuts.
563
-Catsisashow?
-Yeah,youreadthepapers.
564
Youthinkyou'reslick,
don'tya,younglady?
565
Nexttimeyou'relookin'
forapartnerincrime,
566
you'regonnahavetoaimhigher
thanyourgrandfather.
567
-(whispers)He'ssoftinthehead.
-(Bart)lheardthat!
568
Here.
Canwegoseethisshow?
569
SweeneyTodd?Doyouknow
thatthishasalotofsinging?
570
-lt'sstillaplay.
-OK.l'mjustchecking.
571
Yourdadonetimelostabet
withsomeoneathiswork,
572
andhehadtogoseeasingingplay,
donebypeopleonrollerskates.
573
-Cool!
-Yourdaddidn'tthinkso.
574
(Ollie)lhandledprimarily
recordingartists
575
butwhenlinitiallytrained,
ltrainedinfilmPR,solcandothattoo.
576
l,uh...tookthelastsixorsevenyearsoff.
lwasraisingmydaughterinNewJersey.
577
Butlkeptabreast,so...
l'mprettycomfortablejumpingbackin.
578
Whatelsecanltellyouguys?Uh...
579
That'sit.
lcanstart,youknow,rightaway.
580
-Youguysallright?
-(clearsthroat)
581
AreyoutheOllieTrinke?Theone
whousedtoworkatMandellKirschner?
582
Yeah.
583
-Sonofabitch!
-Yes!ltoldyou,Reynolds!Payup!
584
-(Reynolds)lgotit.
-Amlmissin'somethin'?
585
Nah,nah,hejustbetme
youweretheOllieTrinke,
586
theonewhopulled''TheFreshPrince''.
587
-Theynamedit?
-Ofcourse!
588
Areyoukidding?
You'realegend,man!
589
Youdidwhateveryflack
onlydreamsaboutdoing!
590
-Whichwaswhat?
-Youwentapeshit!
591
Youtrashedyourclient
backtotheStoneAge.
592
-Yeah.
-Webowtoyou,man.
593
-You'relikeagodaroundhere.
-Yep,exactly.
594
-Godenoughtogetajob?
-No.
595
-What,areyouinsane?
-Nochance,Trinke!(laughing)
596
-Pop,l'mhome!
-(Bart)Yeah,likelgiveashit.
597
Youknow,thanksalot,Pop!
598
-That'swhatitlookslike?
-lguess.
599
-Whatdoesyourslooklike?
-Notlikethat.
600
Yeah?Letmesee.
601
Allright.
602
(Ollie)Gertie!
lt'stimeforBryantogohome.
603
OK...
604
-Whatareyourintentions?
-Huh?
605
Whatareyourintentions
withmydaughter?
606
-Doyouplanonmarryingher?
-ldon'tknow.
607
Well,onlymarriedboysandgirls,
ahem...
608
showeachothertheir,uh...
609
their,youknow,uh...
610
..parts.
611
OK?
612
OK,Bryan,youcangonow.
lfyoucomeback,comebackwitharing.
613
Yes,Mr.Trinke.
614
-Bye,Gertie.
-Bye.
615
Goodbye,Bryan.
616
OK.
617
Doyouhaveany,uh...
618
questionsaboutwhatyou...
619
youknow...
620
youknow,whatever,saw?
621
DoyouhavewhatBryanhas?
622
Yes,lhaveone...too.
623
lsyoursasbigashis?
624
Sadly,yes.
625
-Canwerentamovie?
-Yes.
626
-Sotheywouldn'tgiveyouajob,huh?
-No.Butapparently,Daddy'salegend.
627
Youdon'tneedthatjobanyway.
Youalreadygotajob.
628
Yes,well,
Daddyusedtohaveajob
629
whereanightlyshowerwasanoption,
notanecessity.
630
-Youknowwhatjobyoushoulddo?
-What'sthat?
631
Youshouldbeadanceteacher,
likeJohnnyinDirtyDancing.
632
lshould?Shouldlsay,
''NobodyputsBabyinacorner''?
633
Oh,canwerent
DirtyDancingagain?
634
Ohh...DirtyDancingranksonenotch
belowCatsinmybook.
635
Canyoupickoutsomethingelse?
636
Canwerentthis?
637
Absolutelynot.Gopickoutsomething
fromthechildren'ssection.
638
-Allthosemoviessuck.
-Watchyourlanguage.
639
Nah,that's...
640
No,lguessthat'sit.
Yep,yep,that'sit.
641
l'lljusttakethis
andwhateverthekid'sgetting.
642
Justgoaheadandputitinthebag.
l'mallset.
643
lt'sgood.
644
''Bi-BiGuys,featuringCuriousJordie''?
645
lnterestingchoice.Doesthewifeknow
you'relookingintoyouroptions?
646
lt's...lgotthe...
647
-lgotthewrongboxbyaccident.
-Oh,right.
648
Wouldyoumind,uh...
exchangingthatformeforsomething...
649
anythingyoucangetyourhandson
that's,youknow...
650
-So,thenyouwantsomething...
-...that'snon-bi.
651
Canlhaveyour
membershipcard,please?
652
Yeah,sure.
653
Doyoumindiflaskedyouafewquestions
aboutyourrentingpractices?
654
Uh...sure.
655
Really?Uh...
656
Doyoualwaysrentadulttitleswithyour
daughterintow,oristhisthefirsttime?
657
Excuseme?
658
Whenyourentporn,doyou
usuallydoitwithfamilyaround,
659
oristhislikea,youknow,
specialoccasion?
660
-Dolhavetoanswerthis?
-l'magradstudent,writingathesispaper.
661
''ABirdintheHand:TheFamilyMan
andthePornographicFixation''.
662
OK.lwouldrathernottakepart.
663
Really?
664
Frank,isBi-BiGuys
aoneoratwo-nightrental?
665
-Whatareyougetting,Daddy?
-Yeah,Daddy.Let'sjusttakealook...
666
Let'snot,OK?
667
Wouldyoumindnotaskingmethose
questionswhenmydaughter'swithme?
668
Howaboutwhenyoubringtheseback?
669
That's...Yeah.
670
lnanefforttogethonestfeedback,
leavethekidandthewifeathome.
671
Mymom'sdead.
Shediedwhenlwasborn.
672
Oh,Jesus.
673
Man,l'msorry.ldidn't...
674
No,youdidn't.
675
Let'sgo.
676
l'msorry.
677
DoIhaveto?
678
MajorDamagedidn'thavetogotobed
whenhefoughttheTikiTerrors!
679
-(mom)Melvin!
-Anddothey...
680
-(knocking)
-l'llgetit.
681
Youwillnot.You'renoteven
supposedtobeupthislate.
682
Watchyourvideo.
683
-(Melvin)But,Mom!
-(mom)Say,''OK,Mom.''
684
-(Melvin)Ahh!
-(mom)Say,''OK,Mom.''
685
Hi.
686
Hey!You'rethelady
fromthevideostore.
687
Let'snotusethattermtooloosely,OK?
Gobackandwatchyourvideo.
688
Yes?
689
ljustwantedtocomehere
690
andtellyouthatl'mreallysorry
aboutearliertonight.
691
lfeellikeshitaboutwhatlsaid
andyourdaughterandeverything.
692
Well...youshould.
693
Youknowthatkidwascrying
inthecarthewholewayhome?
694
-Oh,no...
-No,lwasn't.
695
-Getbackinsideandwatchyourvideo!
-Nice!Realnice.
696
See,nowyouhavetoletme
interviewyouformypaper.
697
lsthatwhyyou'rehere?
698
ljustthinkyou'dmakeonehellof
aninterestingcasestudy.
699
Thesympatheticwidowerwhodoesn't
havetimetodate'causehe'sraisingakid,
700
soherentsporninstead.lmean,
lthinkthat'sveryinterestingstuff.
701
JesusChrist!
You'vegotsomenerve,lady.
702
Andbesides,
l'dreallyliketomakeituptoyou.
703
Forwhatlsaid,
andforembarrassingyoubeforethat.
704
You'rereallyhavingabannerevening.
You'rebattingathousandtonight.
705
You'reOllie,right?
l'mMayaHarding.
706
''Hi,Maya.Nicetomeetyou.''
707
Hi.
708
Comeon,whydon'tyouletme
takeyououtonedaythisweek?
709
Youdoeatlunchwhenyou'renot
knee-deepinadultmovies,right?
710
lappreciateit,but,uh...
nothanks.
711
Ollie,comeon,
you'reruiningmykarmalevelhere.
712
What,buyingmeonelunch
isgonnasquareyouwithKrishna?
713
HareHare!
714
lsMondayOK?
Soundgood?
715
lmean,lwasthinkingnothingfancy.
lwasthinkingmaybe,like,thediner.
716
-Aroundnoon?
-No!
717
Noonitis!
718
Oh...
719
Seeyouthere.Bye!
720
Anincrediblystrangewoman.
721
(honkinghorn)
722
ldidnothearthetoiletflush.
723
Thankyou.
724
-Canwegetpopcorn?
-Thisisn'tthemovies,sweetheart.
725
Theydon'tsellpopcornhere.
ThisisBroadway.Thisisclass.
726
#Andifyou'rebeautiful
727
#Whatthen?
728
#Withyellowhairlikewheat
729
#lthinkweshallnotmeetagain,
mylittledove
730
#MysweetJohanna
731
#Goodbye,Johanna
732
#You'regoneandyetyou'remine
733
#l'mfine,Johanna
734
#l'mfine
735
(Ollie)OK.Youseethatfloor.
Nowlookthreewindowsinfromtheright.
736
Seethatwindow?That'swherewe
usedtolivebeforewelivedwithPop.
737
We'dstilllivethere
ifwelivedinthecity.
738
-lfMommywasstillalive?
-Yep.
739
-Dad...
-Yes?
740
DoyoumissMommy?
741
ldo.Everyday.
742
-Whatwasshelike?
-l'vetoldyouamilliontimes.
743
-lknow,butlforget.
-No,ldon'tthinkyouforget.
744
lthinkyoujustliketohearmetellyou.
WhichisOK.lt'sallright.
745
Youcanaskaboutyourmommy
asmuchasyouwant.
746
Sotellmealready.
747
Well,shewaspushy,
likeyouwererightthere.
748
Shewasbeautiful,
likeyouarerightnow.
749
Andshewas...smart...
750
andstrong,
likeyou'llgrowuptobeoneday.
751
l'msmartnow.
752
lknow.lwasn'timpugning
yourintelligenceoranything.
753
What's''impugning''mean?
754
Oh,notsosmartnow,areyou?
755
-That'sabigword.
-Yes,you'reright,itis.
756
Let'ssee.
Toimpugnmeanstocriticize.
757
So...Pop'salwaysimpugningyou,right?
758
Well,hethinksheis.
759
Buthe'sjusttalking
tomakesurehe'sstillalive.
760
Popisavery,veryoldman.
761
Whatdoyouthink?
Youlikethecity?
762
lt'sOK.
ButllikeHighlandsbetter.
763
-Youdo?
-Yeah.
764
Myschool'sthere,andmyfriends...
Andwecanrentmoviesthere.
765
Well,ifmemoryserves,
youcanrentmoviesheretoo.
766
Yeah,butnotfromthatprettylady
atthevideostore.
767
-Oh,youthinkshe'spretty,doyou?
-Don'tyou?
768
lsn'tthatwhy
you'retakingheronadate?
769
lt'snotadate.
Theonlygirlltakeondatesisyou,OK?
770
Thisisadate.
We'reonadate.
771
-Weare?
-Mm-hm.
772
-ltdoesn'tfeellikeadate.
-ltdoesn't?
773
Well,lcanfixthat.
774
Sir!
775
(Maya)So,uh,questionone:
Howoftendoyourentadultmovies?
776
-Dolreallyhavetodothis?
-Youhavenothingtobeashamedabout.
777
lnterestinadultfilmcanbehealthy,
aslongasit'snothabitual.
778
-Socomeon,howoften?
-Threeorfourtimesaweek.
779
OK,maybelwaswrong.
Youshouldbeashamed.
780
Youhavearealtalent
formakingthesubjectfeelopen
781
andcomfortable
inasafeenvironment.
782
Soyou'rerentingitpresumably
tomasturbateto,right?
783
-GoodGod!
-Comeon,don'tbesuchatight-ass.
784
We'realladultshere.
785
lknowl'manadult.
Howoldareyou,exactly?
786
-l'llbe26inMarch.
-26?
787
Youstillhaven'tlearnedsomethings
aren'tpolitetotalkaboutinpublic?
788
lfitmakesyoufeelanybetter,
ldoit,like,twiceaday.
789
-GoodGod!
-Whatcanltellya?lgetboredeasily.
790
You'regonnaget
carpaltunnelsyndrome.
791
Don'tgetalljudgmentalwithme.
You'renoslouchyourself.
792
-Well,no,l...
-ljusthaveahealthysexualappetite.
793
Whydon'tyougoout
andgetyourselfaboyfriend?
794
Whydon'tyoujustgoout
andgetyourselfagirlfriend?
795
lworkallday,
lhangoutwithmykidallnight.
796
Soyou'dratherhangoutwithyourkid
thangetlaid?
797
-Yeah.
-Aw...that'skindasweet.
798
l'mkindacrushin'onyourightnow,Trinke.
799
OK.Canlgohomenow?
800
No.
Whenwasthelasttimeyouhadsex?
801
lwouldrathernot
disclosethatinformation.
802
Oh,comeon,
don'tclamuponmenow.
803
You'regonnaremainanonymous
inmypaper.
804
Ha!Anonymitydoesn'tconcernme.
Embarrassmentdoes.
805
-Whywouldyoubeembarrassed?
-Becauseit'sbeenalongtime.
806
-Howlong?
-Alongtime.
807
Comeon,champ.Ownit.
Justputitoutthere.
808
lswearlwon'tmake
anyeditorialcracksaboutit.
809
Notinfrontofyou,atleast.
810
-Sevenyears.
-Sevenyears?
811
Sincemywifedied,yeah.
812
Youknow,adumbfounded,
mouth-agapelookofshock
813
mightbeconstruedbysome
asaneditorialcracktoo.
814
-l'msorry.
-lt'sOK.lt'sfine.
815
No,it'snot.
lmean,it'snotatall.
816
Withallduerespecttoyourwife,
you'vegottagetbackonthehorse,man.
817
-No,ldon't,actually.
-Yes,youdo.
818
-No,ldon't.
-Yes,you...Getup.
819
-Arewedone?
-Withthis,fornow.Butcomewithme.
820
Lordhavemercy.
821
-Wherearewegoing?
-Toyourplace.
822
We'regonnahavesomesex.
823
-What,didyouforgetsomething?
-No.Look,lappreciatetheoffer.
824
l'mveryflattered.
Butlcan'tdothis.
825
What'sthematter?
Don'tyouthinkl'mcute?
826
-Ofcourselthinkyou'recute.
-Well,then?
827
Look,l'mnotjustcelibate
becauseofmydaughter.
828
Therearealotofemotionalissuesinittoo.
829
lmean,mywifemaybedead.
l'mstillverymuchinlovewithher.
830
Hey,lrespectthat.l'mnottellingyou
tofallinlovewithmehere,
831
andl'mnottryingtoreplaceyourwife.
832
l'mjusttalkingabouttwoconsentingadults
havingsomecasualsex.
833
Probablysomereallyshortcasualsex,
withyoubeingalittleoutofpractice.
834
-lcan'tdoit,l'msorry.
-Whatareyou,amonk?
835
God!
Let'slookatthislogically,OK?
836
-Yourentpornandtouchyourself,right?
-Wouldyouloweryourvoice?
837
lfyou'renotsweatinghowyourwife
wouldfeelaboutyouandporn,
838
thenyoushouldn'tsweatwhat
l'mproposing'causeit'sthesamething.
839
Onlysomebodyelseisdoingthetouching
andyou'resavinga$2rentalfee.
840
Comeon,stud.
Mancannotliveonpornalone.
841
Oh,God...
842
l'mhome!
843
Pop?!
844
-Oh,myGod...Whatdoldo?
-Getinthebathroom!
845
(showerrunning)
846
-Pop?
-Uh,no,honey,it'sme.
847
Daddy?Whyaren'tyouatwork?
848
Uh,becauselhadtocomehomeanddo...
lhadto...
849
comehomeandtakeashower.
850
-Canwerentamovie?
-Yeah,sure,sure,sure.
851
Assoonaslgetdoneuphere
anddryoff,l'llcomedown.
852
OK.
853
Oh,myGod.
Thatwassoclose.
854
Whatdowedonow?
l'mwet.
855
Sorry,Dad,lforgotagain.
856
(flushing)
857
Shh!
858
Hi,honey.
859
YourememberMaya.
Fromthevideostore.
860
-Whatareyourintentions?
-Excuseme?
861
Whatareyourintentions
withmyfather?
862
Like,doyouplanonmarryinghim?
863
Uh...ldon't...
864
Becauselwastaughtthatonly
marriedgirlsshowtheirgirlpartstoboys.
865
-Right,Daddy?
-Uh...right.Yes.
866
Mm-hm.
867
Canwerentallthemovieswewant
forfree?
868
What?
869
Canwerentallthemovieswewant
forfree?
870
Yes!Yes,yes.
ForGod'ssake,yes.
871
lfitmeanswe'renot,youknow,
thatwe'renotintroubleanymore.
872
And...Right,Maya?Yes!
873
Uh...whateveryouwant.
lt'sonthehouse.
874
EvenDirtyDancing?
875
Yeah.
876
AndwecandoSweeneyTodd
fortheshowatschool?
877
What?
878
WecandoSweeneyTodd
fortheshowatschool?
879
-No,honey,that' stoogrown-up.
-Really?
880
Ohman,whatamlgonnatellPop
aboutyouguys?
881
Fine.WecandoSweeneyTodd
fortheshowatschool.
882
OK!
883
Wouldyoushutthehellupalready?
Christ,Greenie,you'realways...
884
-Oh,Jesus.
-Oh!
885
ChristAlmighty.
Youwearin'a...wearin'atowel?
886
Justaslongasyoudidn'tdoit
onmybed.
887
Oh,JesusChrist,itwasonetimein
highschool!Youwannaletitgoalready?
888
lbangedabroad
inmyparents'bedonce.ltwasnice.
889
Terrific.Justsoyouknow,
wedidn't''bang''.
890
-What,didyagettothirdbase?
-No!
891
Notthatit'sanyofyourbusiness,
butwedidn'tdoanything.
892
Welostourheadsforasecond,
thencoolerheadsprevailed
893
andwestoppedbeforewe
didanythingwe'dbothregret.
894
-Thekidbustedinon'em.
-Oh.
895
Let'stalkaboutsomethingelse
forasecond,likethiswatermain.
896
-Howbadisit?
-Definitelyneedstobereplaced.
897
JesusChrist.lfwegottashutdown
BayAvenueforthat,
898
thistownisgonnathrowashitfit.
899
l'msure.
900
Hey,kid,youhaven'thadtoinconvenience
thetaxpayersonthejobyet.
901
Theygetlikeanimals.
Rememberbackin'88?
902
SouthPeakStreet.
903
Holyshit,lthoughttheyweregonna
crucifyusupsidedown.
904
-LikeStPeter.
-Whoareyou,theHolyFather?
905
EverybodyknowslmeantStPeter.
Youdon'thavetoexplainmyshit.
906
l'mjustsaying...
907
Whenlwasdownthere,
howmanycarsdidyouwavearound?
908
Threeorfour.
909
Threeorfourcars
forthewholehalfhourlwasdownthere?
910
Well,itwasrushhour.
911
Yeah,ldon'tthinkthelegionofcommuters
intheHighlandsofNewJersey
912
aregonnaobjecttousclosingdowna
smallportionofBayAvenueforafewdays.
913
-(gavelbanging)
-Oneatatime,please!Oneatatime!
914
-We'redoingthebestwecan.
-(Bart)Youweresaying?
915
Whydoesn'tsomebodyjustgoupthere
andexplaintothemwhat'shappening?
916
Whydon'tyoudoit,Daddy?
Wasn'tthatyouroldjob?
917
Makingpeoplelikesingers
bysayingnicethingsabout'em?
918
-Yes,baby,but...
-No,thekid'sgotapointthere.
919
Asaguywhousedto
slingbullshitforaliving,
920
lnominateyoutogoupthere
andsaysomething.
921
-Oh,youdo,huh?
-Yeah.
922
-ltcan'thurt.
-Goahead.
923
Thanks,Pop.
924
(angryshouting)
925
(comptroller)Controlyourselves!
926
He'sgoin'upthere.
927
Folks,onesecond.
Please.Folks.
928
Myname'sOliverTrinke
andl'mwiththeborough.
929
Solguessthatmakesme
theleastpopularguyintheroom.
930
(chuckling)
931
lwanttoassureyouthat,uh...
932
thisBayAvenuejobwillbe
averyminimalinconvenience.
933
lt'llonlytakethreedaysatthemost.
934
Bullshit!Bullshit!
935
(murmursofagreement)
936
(angryshouting)
937
(gavelbanging)
938
Folks,alittledecorum!
Alittledecorum!
939
Folks,onesecond.
940
ljusthaveonemorething
thatljustwanttoadd.
941
lliveinthistown.lseeyouguys
headin'toworkeveryday.
942
(musicplaying)
943
(Ollie)l'mtellingyou,
itwasamazing!
944
Andlgetupthereandlweavethis
webofbullshitsoprofoundlymesmerizing,
945
-lturntheentireplacearound!
-Yousilver-tongueddevil,you.
946
Everythinglwassaying
wasjustrightonthemoney,youknow?
947
Maybethat's'causeyouweren'tactually
slingingasmuchbullshitasyouthought.
948
''Getoutthereandplayinthedirt''?
lmean,what...lmadethatup!
949
Soundsprettygoodtome.
Hey,Gert.
950
Thesadthingis,lhadagreatersenseof
accomplishmentfromthewater-mainthing
951
thananythingelsel'vedone
inthepastsevenyears.
952
lgetit.lmean,yousetout
todosomethingandyoudidit.
953
Soyoufeeldrunkwithpowernow.
Makessense.
954
That'sjustit.lwastheyoungestflack
everputinchargeofitsentiredivision...
955
(both)...inthehistoryof
MandellKirschner.
956
-lknow.
-That'sanaccomplishment.
957
Convincingatowntoapprovesomething
that'salreadyintheirbestinterest?
958
-That'sjustdelayedcommonsense.
-Yeah,butthat'syourlifenow.
959
lmean,beingtheyoungestflack
inthehistoryofblah,blah,blah...
960
that'snotyouanymore.
lmean,thatmightneverhavebeenyou.
961
Oh,itwasme.
ltwasmewithmyownapartment,
962
mericher,mewithmoreself-respect.
963
Likeitornot,thisisyou.
964
lmean,forgetaboutwhatyouthought
youwereandjustacceptwhoyouare.
965
-lguessl'lljustgetthis.
-Gert,whatareyoudoing?
966
ldistinctlyrememberyourfathertellingyou
youcouldgetDirtyDancing.
967
-Oh,yeah!Hedid!
-Yeah.
968
Thanksforthat,bytheway.
969
lncidentally,she'sbeenaskingme
whenshe'sgonnagrowboobieslikeyours.
970
-Oh,myGod!
-She'sseven,OK?
971
lfyouwant,lcangivehertheold''boobie''
talkmymomgavemewhenlwasakid.
972
Doesthattalkinclude
usingtheword''knockers''?
973
l'mgladthere'sno,youknow,
awkwardnessbetweenus.
974
Afterthe...well,thething
thathappenedlastweekwith...
975
Ollie,lwasgonnagiveyouamercyjump.
976
Themomentpassed.
lt'snobigdeal.
977
-Justfriends,right?
-Yeah,friends.
978
(sighs)
979
''Mercyjump.''
Stayawayfrommykid.
980
(electricsaw)
981
-No,that'stooround.
-Shutup.
982
-Shutup!Shutup!
-Justmakeit...
983
-Wouldyoushutthehellup?!
-Allright!
984
There'speoplegettin'
theirthroatscutinthisthing.
985
Yep.
986
Andyourfathersaid
youcoulddothisfortheshow?
987
Yep.
988
Whythehellwouldhe
OKyousingingthisshit?
989
BecauselsawhimandMaya
nakedintheshower.
990
Oh,yeah.
991
Heh-heh!That'lldoit.
992
(Ollie)CanIspeakwith
anArthurBrickman,please?
993
-Ollie.
-Arthur.
994
-Hey,man.
-How'reyoudoin'?
995
-Good.Howareyou?
-Good.Goodtoseeyou.
996
Youknow,thetownvotedunanimously,
approvedthewatermain,so...
997
Youwerealwaysgreatwithacrowd.
998
Well,exceptthat...
thatonce,ofcourse.
999
Butthat'sit.ltwasthepolaropposite
oftheFreshPrinceincident.
1000
ltwaslikelwasonthetopofmygame.
Whichiswhylwantedtoseeya.
1001
-Uh,lwannaaskyouafavor.
-Anything,man.What?
1002
lsthereanywaythatyoucould
getmeaninterviewwithyourfirm?
1003
You'reserious?
1004
lthoughtitwasweird
thatyouwantedtoeathere.
1005
-Oh,lknowit'sgonnabetough...
-Tough?
1006
Ollie,youcalledaroomfulofpress
abunchofjerk-offs,
1007
andtrashedaclientwho'soneof
thebiggestmoviestarsontheplanet.
1008
-Hewasn'tbigthen.
-No,butheisnow.
1009
Youwannaknowhowbig?
WhenlleftMandellKirschner,
1010
thereweresomefirmsthatwouldn't
evenlookatmyresumebecausel...
1011
Nooffense,
butbecauselworkedunderyou.
1012
l'veonlybeenatAngellottiayearnow...
1013
Youknowwhat,man?Forgetlasked.
Don'tworryaboutit.Seriously.
1014
-ltwasstupid.lgotcarriedaway...
-No,letmefinish.
1015
Whatlwasgonnasaywas...
1016
l'vebeenwaitingyearstobeinaposition
tobeabletohelpyouout,andnowlam.
1017
lt'snotgonnabeaneasysell,but...
1018
lthinklcangetyouinaroom
withAngellottihimself.
1019
-Thankyousomuch.
-Ofcourse.
1020
Youknow,you'realotmoreaffectionate
thanlremember.
1021
Ah,it'sjust...
lmissitsomuch,youknow?
1022
lt'stheonlything
lwaseveranygoodat.
1023
Oh,thisisgreat.
lcanmovebackhere...
1024
lcanputGertieinareallygood,
expensiveprivateschool...
1025
lcangetherananny,youknow?
1026
lt'llbelikethatwholeFreshPrincething
neverevenhappened.
1027
l'llworkontheoldmanwhenlgetback
totheofficeandcallyoutonightifit'sago.
1028
Oh,great.
1029
-(piano)
-(Gertie)#Excuseme
1030
-(Ollie)#Psst
-#Dear,seetothecustomers
1031
-#Psst
-#Guesswhat'sthe...
1032
-#Quicknow!
-#Myheart'sa-flutter
1033
-(phonerings)
-#Whenlpoundthefloor
1034
#lt'sasignaltoshow
thatl'mreadytogo
1035
#Whenlpoundthefloor...
lhavetogetthephone.
1036
Comeon,Pop!
DoDad'spart.
1037
-Me?
-Yeah.
1038
Yeah,godothat.
1039
Hello?Hey,Arthur.
1040
You'rekidding?
1041
#l'llpoundthreetimes
Threetimes...
1042
Whydolhavetosingyourdad'spart?l'm
supposedtobetheguywhogetsclipped.
1043
-Youare,butyou'reDad'sunderstudytoo.
-Whatthehellisthat?
1044
ltmeansifDaddybreaksaleg,
thenyoudohispartforhim.
1045
-So,comeon,tryitagain.
-You'redoin'good.
1046
#l'llpoundthreetimes...
1047
#Threetimes!
1048
Wait,wait,wait!l'msupposed
tobetheunderstudynow.
1049
lcannotworklikethis.
l'msorry.
1050
-Thisisnowaytorunashow.
-Youweregood.
1051
Youcangobacktowaiting
inthewings,TommyTune.
1052
l'llbedoin'myownsinging
henceforth.
1053
-Who'sTommyTune?
-TommyTuneisaman
1054
thatyoucangetachancetosee
liveandonBroadway
1055
whenwemovebacktoNewYorkCity!
1056
-What?
-What?
1057
-What?
-What?
1058
Yeah,what?
1059
lwasjustonthephonewithanoldfriend
thatlworkedwithatMandellKirschner.
1060
lhadlunchwithhimandlaskedhimifhe'd
getmeaninterviewwithhisnewfirm.
1061
Jesus,anotherinterview,Ollie?
Comeon,whenareyougonnalearn?
1062
Well,smartguy,hejustcalledme,
saidhesatdownwithhisboss,
1063
soldmetohisboss
likelwasthecureforcancer.
1064
ltjustsohappensthatalittlespot
hasopenedupintheirmusicdepartment.
1065
Boom!
Aftersixyearsofbeingapariah,
1066
l'mgonnagetbackin!
1067
l'mtalkin'about
nomorestreetsweeper,
1068
nomorepickingupgarbage,
andnomorewatermain!
1069
l'mtalkingpresslines,
l'mtalkingaboutparties!
1070
l'mtalkingaboutaWestsideaddress,
1071
l'mtalkin'about
agoodschoolforGertie!
1072
Butlalreadygotoagoodschool.
1073
Yes,honey,butyou'regonnagotoa
way,waybetterschoolinNewYorkCity.
1074
You'regonnabeabletotakethe
subwaytoschool.Won'tthatbefun?
1075
Butthesubway'sfullofjunkies
andmole-men.
1076
-Well,theyare.
-Don'tlistentoPop.
1077
Whatdoltellyou?
Hemakesthingsup!
1078
-You'llsee.Thesubwaysaregreat.
-ldon'twannasee.
1079
ldon'twannagotoaschoolupinthecity.
lwannagotomyschool.
1080
Honey,it'sgonnabetoofarofadrive
formetocomebackdownhere
1081
totakeyoutoschool
inNewJerseyeverymorning.
1082
Solet'snotmovetothecity.
Let'sstayherewithPop.
1083
Sweetheart,l'mtooold
tobelivingwithmyfather.
1084
lneedtogetmyownplace.
1085
AndPop...lmean,lookathim,
he'samad-dog.
1086
Hedoesn'twantusaroundhere
gettinginhisway,crampin'hisstyle...
1087
-Doyou,Pop?
-That'sallhorseshit.
1088
Youknow...thanks,Pop.
1089
ldon'twannamovetothecity.
llikeithere.
1090
Popsaysyoucanlivehere
aslongasyouwant.
1091
Baby,rememberwhenltookyou
toseeSweeneyTodd?
1092
Howmuchfunwasthat?
Wehadagoodtime,right?
1093
lmean,ifwemovetoNewYorkCity,
wecandothateverynight!
1094
Exceptforthenightsyou'reworking,
ofcourse.
1095
Youknowwhat?Whydon'tyou
shutupforasecond,OK?
1096
l'mtryingtotalktomydaughter.
1097
YouloveNewYorkCity.
Youtoldmeyoulovedthecity.
1098
-No,ldidn't.
-Oh!
1099
-lsaiditwasOK.
-JesusChrist!
1100
lsaidllikeHighlandsbetter.Whywould
youwantsomeotherjobanyway,Dad?
1101
YougettoridetheBatmobile!
1102
Baby,Daddydoesn'twanna
drivetheBatmobile!
1103
Daddywantstoeatsushi!
Daddywantstohailcabs!
1104
Daddywantstohaveadoorman!
1105
Daddywantstolordit
overmagazineeditors!
1106
Daddylovedhisoldjob,andhe'smissedit
everydaysincehe'sbeengone.
1107
Daddywantstodothatjob.Daddydoesn't
wannapickupgarbageforever!
1108
Butyoutoldeverybodyatthemeeting
thatyourjob'sgood
1109
becauseyoudon'thaveto
wearasuit.
1110
Yes,butDaddywasjustsayingthat
togetthemtosayyestoawatermain.
1111
Soyouwerejustlyingtoeverybody?
1112
Look,OK,l'lltellyouwhat.
l'llgotothemeeting,allright?
1113
lfldon'tlikewhatthemansays,
thenlwon'ttakethejob.
1114
Nowyou'relyingtome!
1115
Allright,look,younglady!l'mgonna
gotothisjobinterviewonMonday,
1116
whetheryoulikeitornot.
1117
Wait,thisMonday?
1118
-Yes.
-Ollie,youcan'tgoonMonday.
1119
-Why?
-Becausethat'sthedayofmyshow!
1120
Oh,shit.
ltis,isn'tit?
1121
Well,it'satfour,
solcan,youknow,makeitbackintime.
1122
Butmyshow'satfive!
1123
Onwhatplanetareyougonna
getbackherebyfive
1124
ifyou'vegotameeting
inthecityatfour?
1125
Justlayoffmeforasecond!
lforgotabouttheshow.
1126
Howcouldyouforget?
What,areyoustupid?
1127
Gertie,thisjob
isveryimportanttoDaddy.
1128
Whataboutmyshow?
lsn'tthatimportanttoyou?
1129
Yes,honey,
that'sevenmoreimportanttome.
1130
Thendon'tgotoyourstupidmeetingabout
yourstupidnewjobinthestupidcity!
1131
-That'senough,younglady!
-ldon'tevenwantyouintheshow!
1132
You'renotevenagood
SweeneyToddanyway.
1133
Pop'swaybetter.EvenUncleGreenie
andUncleBlockarebetterthanyou.
1134
Thosemenarenotyouruncles!
1135
Oh,no,butwe'regoodenough
tobuildsetsforhershow,right?
1136
Sorry,ldidn'tmeanthat.
Whereareyougoing?
1137
ldon'twannabearoundyou!ldon'teven
wantyoutocometotheshowtowatchit.
1138
-Oh,comeon!
-ldon't!ldon'tevenlikeyouanymore!
1139
Getbackhere,younglady!
Hey!l'mtalkin'toyou!
1140
Hey,younglady!
Getbackhere,younglady!
1141
No!Youcan'ttellmewhattodo!
ldon'thavetodoanythingyousay!
1142
-Yes,youdo!
-Why?
1143
Becausel'myourfather,that'swhy!
1144
-Sowhat?
-Don'tyouyellatme,Gertrude!
1145
l'llyellatyoualllwant!
1146
Blah,blah,blah!
l'mnotmovingtothestupidcity!
1147
Allright,that'sit!Youaremovingtothecity
andyou'regonnalikeit,andthat'stheend.
1148
lhateyou!
lwishyou'ddied,notMommy!
1149
lhateyourightback,youlittleshit!
1150
Youandyourmothertookmy
lifeawayandljustwantitback!
1151
God,l'msorry.l'msorry,sweetheart.
ldidn'tmean...
1152
-Getoffme!
-l'msorry...
1153
Getoffofme!
1154
Whatthehell'sthematterwithyou?
1155
Huh?!
1156
(#''Landslide''byFleetwoodMac)
1157
#ItookmyloveandItookitdown
1158
#Iclimbedamountain
andIturnedaround
1159
#AndIsawmyreflection
inthesnow-coveredhills
1160
#Tillthelandslidebroughtmedown
1161
#Oh,mirrorintheskywhatislove?
1162
#Canthechildwithinmyheart
riseabove?
1163
#CanIsailthrough
thechangingoceantides?
1164
#CanIhandletheseasonsofmylife?
1165
#Mm-mm...Idon'tknow
1166
#Well,I'vebeenafraidofchanging
1167
#'CauseI'vebuiltmylifearoundyou
1168
#Buttimemakesyoubolder
1169
#Childrengetolder
1170
#AndI'mgettingoldertoo
1171
-Hey.
-Hey.
1172
Whathappenedtoyoutheothernight?
Youjustsortoftookoff.
1173
ltlookedtomelikeyouguys
neededalittleprivacy.
1174
Whatlreallyneededwasalittlebackup.
1175
She'sakid,Ollie.
Kidsdon'tweatherchangewell.
1176
lmean,inafewyears,youwon't
beabletokeepheroutofManhattan.
1177
Butfornow,
shejustwantswhatsheknows.
1178
Sodol.
1179
Yeah,butisthateven
whatyouknowanymore?
1180
Oh,Jesus.Youtoo?
1181
Youwantyouroldlifeback.Big-moneyjob,
outofyouroldman'shouse...
1182
lt'snotlikeitdoesn'tmakeanysense.
1183
Yeah.So?
1184
That'syourlifethatyouwantback,
nottheirs.
1185
lmean,thisistheirlife.Whatyou're
sortofsayingtoeverybodywholovesyou
1186
isthatwhatwehave
isn'tgoodenoughforyou.
1187
Soit'sjustupsettingeverybody,
youknow?
1188
-Everybody?
-Oh...What,me?
1189
lmean,it'snotlikewe'vegotsome
bigromancegoingonoranything.
1190
We'rejustfriends,right?
1191
Didyoueverwonderif...
maybesomedayitmight...
1192
bemorethanthat?
1193
Forabouttwoseconds,beforeyou
hadmehidingintheshowerfromyourkid.
1194
Look,Ollie,llikeyou,but...
1195
l'mnotgonnabeallheartbroken
'causeyou'releavingtown.
1196
lknow.
1197
Evenifltookthisjobinthecity,
1198
l'dstillcomebackdownhere
andvisitmyoldman.Andyou.
1199
Why?lmean,youthinkl'mgonna
stickaroundhereformuchlonger?
1200
-Maya...
-Ollie...
1201
lgottagetbacktowork.
1202
lf...ifldon't...
ifldon'tseeyouattheshow,
1203
givemeacallsometimewhen
yougetallsettledupinthebigcity.
1204
Comeon...
1205
Shit.
1206
(#''MyCityofRuins''
byBruceSpringsteen)
1207
#Nowthere'stearsonthepillow
1208
#Darlingwhereweslept
1209
#Andyoutookmyheartwhenyouleft
1210
#Withoutyoursweetkiss
mysoulislost,myfriend
1211
#Tellme,howdoIbeginagain?
1212
#Mycity'sinruins
1213
#Mycity'sinruins
1214
#Nowwiththesehands
1215
#Withthesehands
1216
#Withthesehands
1217
#Withthesehands
1218
#Ipray,Lord
1219
#(chorus)Withthesehands
1220
-#(chorus)Withthesehands
-#Iprayforthestrength,Lord
1221
#(chorus)Withthesehands
Withthesehands
1222
#Iprayforthefaith,Lord
1223
Hi,Daddy.
1224
Hey,baby.l'msorry.
ldidn'tmeantowakeyouup.
1225
lt'sOK.
1226
Listen.l'msorry-
foryellingatyoutheothernight.
1227
lwaswrong.Andldidn'tmean
anyofthethingsthatlsaid.
1228
lknow.Neitherdidl.
1229
-Daddy?
-Yeah?
1230
DidMommylikelivinginthecity?
1231
Yeah,shedid.
Shelovedit.
1232
Thenlguessl'llloveittoo.
1233
Thanks,sweetheart.
1234
Thanks.
1235
Youknow,lstillmightmakeittoyourshow
tomorrow,ifthetraffic'snottoobad.
1236
lwon'tbemadifyoumissit.
lunderstand.
1237
OK,sweetie.Gobacktosleep.
lloveyou.
1238
Goodnight,Daddy.
1239
Goodnight.
1240
-#(chorus)Withthesehands
-#Iprayformystrength,Lord
1241
#(chorus)Withthesehands
Withthesehands
1242
#Comeon,riseup
1243
#Comeon,riseup
1244
#Comeon,riseup
1245
#Comeon,riseup
1246
#Comeon,riseup
1247
#Comeon,riseup
1248
#Comeon,riseup
1249
GeorgeClooney'soffice
forTonyonlineone.
1250
TheAngellottiCompany.
Onemoment,please.
1251
-Canlhelpyou?
-Yes.
1252
Myname'sOliverTrinkeandl'mhereto
seeArthurBrickmanandMr.Angellotti.
1253
OK.
1254
Mr.Trinkeishere.
1255
OK,lwill.
1256
-They'llbeabouttenmoreminutes.
-OK.
1257
-Youcanhaveaseat.
-Right,right...
1258
Hello.
1259
Oh,myGod...Hi!
1260
l'mheretoseeBrad.
1261
Yes!He'sexpectingyou,sir.
1262
Heapologizes,buthe'sstuckintraffic
He'sjustafewblocksaway.
1263
Whydon'tyoujusthaveaseat
andl'lllethimknowthatyou'vearrived.
1264
Thankyouverymuch.
1265
Theylovetokeepyouwaiting,don'tthey?
1266
-Excuseme?
-Theylovetokeepyouwaiting.
1267
Right.Yeah,yeah,theydo.
1268
lthinktheythinkitgivesthem
apsychologicaledge,youknow?
1269
Well,it'sabouttogive'em
theedgeofmyass,
1270
'causethat'sallthey'regonnasee
whenl'mwalkin'outthatdoor.
1271
Youknowanythingabouttheseguys?
1272
Onlythatthey'rethefastest-growing...
1273
''...firminthebusiness.''
Yes,lreadthatarticletoo.
1274
Allright,well...
Youknowasmuchasldo.
1275
lguessthatmeans
theyknowwhatthey'redoing.
1276
lsuppose.Unlessthesepublicistshire
otherpubliciststogetthewordoutfor'em.
1277
Right.Andthenthosepublicists
hiretheirownpublicists
1278
tohelpspinthegoodpublicity
theycreatedforthesepublicists.
1279
Ofcourse,knowingpublicists,
theyprobablyhirepublicists
1280
topromotethefact
thattheyspunthepublicity
1281
thattheyhiredtheotherpublicists
tospin.So...
1282
-Ohman!Sowhatdoyoudo?
-l'mapublicist.
1283
ldidn'trealizelwassittinghere
talkingtoanAngellottiman.
1284
Well,totellyouthetruth,
l'mnotanAngellottiman.
1285
Atleastnotyet.
l'mheretryingtogetajob.
1286
Theseguyshavebeentryin'tostealme
frommypublicistsincemylastflick.
1287
-Oh,therobotmovie,right?
-Oh,yeah,yousawit?
1288
lhaven'tgottenaroundtoityet.
l'mgonna...
1289
Oh,yeah.Thanksalot
forthesupportthough,man.
1290
-lwannaseeit...
-Youknowwhat?lt'snotthatgood.
1291
lhaveakid.ldon'tgetachance
togetoutandseemovies
1292
unlesstheyhavesingingcrabsin'em.
1293
Singingcrabs?lsawthatone.
Thatmeansyouhaveagirl.
1294
That'sright.
1295
-Howoldisshe?
-She'sseven.
1296
Yeah?Cool.
lgotagirlandtwoboys.
1297
Threekids?
1298
God.Howdoyoufindtime
tomakeallthoseblockbusters?
1299
Shoot,ifldidn'thave
allthemdamnkids,
1300
lwouldn'thaveto
maketheseblockbusters.
1301
Right.
1302
Oh,man.
1303
-lt'scool,though,isn'tit?
-Makingblockbusters?
1304
-Youtellme.
-Bein'aparent,funnyman.
1305
lthasitsmoments.
1306
-What'syourdaughter'sname?
-Gertrude.
1307
Damn!
Why'dyoudothattothatgirl,man?
1308
-Didyouloseabet?
-No.
1309
-No,itwasmywife'sname.
-''Was''?OK,letmeguess.
1310
Shetookyouforhalfaftershe
saddledthekidwiththenameGert?
1311
lcan'tblameitonher.
lsaddledthekidwiththenameGert.
1312
Shediedinchildbirth.So...
1313
-No,no,no,it's...
-lfeellikeanasshole,man.
1314
-Don'tworryaboutit.
-No,listen,l'mreallysorryaboutthat.
1315
ldidn'tseeyourmovie,
sowe'reeven.Trustme.
1316
Thisisexactlywhypeopledon'ttalk
toeachotherinwaitingrooms,right?
1317
Probably.
Although,lgottatellya...
1318
thefactthattheguywhowrote''Parents
JustDon'tUnderstand''isnowaparent
1319
completelymakesupforit.
1320
Oh,man.
Wedon'tthough,dowe?
1321
-What'sthat?
-Understand.
1322
lmean,thesekidstoday.
Fromthedoor,man,theygotitalloverus.
1323
Mydaughterhasitalloverme,
lcantellyouthat.
1324
Yeah,mymiddleone,myson?
1325
Everytimelwalkoutofthehouse
inthemorning
1326
hesays,
''Daddy,howfaryouloveme?''
1327
lalwayspicksomewhereclose.
''lloveyoutothattable,man.''
1328
''No,youdon't.Youlovemealltheway
tothemoonandbackdowntothedirt.''
1329
That'sgreat.
1330
lttakeeverythinglgot
towalkoutofthathouse.
1331
Yougettospendtimewiththem
onthesetthough,right?
1332
Oh,yeah.Butiflwasasmartman,
lwouldn'tbesittin'hererightnow.
1333
l'dbeathome
playinginthedirtwithmykids.
1334
Butweallknowthatl'mnotfamous
'causeofmybrains.
1335
lt's'causel'm,like,
strikinglyhandsome,crazysexy.
1336
Andl'm,like,
hunglikeit'sridiculous.
1337
Oh,man!Butl'mdefinitelynot
thesharpestspoonintheshed.
1338
Youknow...
1339
-ltwasreallynicetalkingtoyou.
-Oh,hey,youtoo,man.
1340
-Youout?
-l'mout.
1341
Hey,yourecommendtheseguys?
1342
Uh...onlyguylcanrecommend
isnamedArthurBrickman.
1343
Otherthanthat,
lcan'tvouchforanybody.
1344
Whoa,whoa,holdon.
YouBrickman?
1345
No.l'mjustaguywho'dratherplay
inthedirtwithhiskid.
1346
-(Gertie)#Toby!
-#Coming!'Scuseme
1347
-#Alethere!
-#Right,mum!
1348
#(Gertie)Quicknow!
1349
(Maya&Gertie)
#God,that'sgood!
1350
Youwantsomerouge,
orshouldljustpinchyourcheeks?
1351
Pinchmycheeks,kids'showornot,
l'llputyouthroughthewall.
1352
(applause)
1353
(#''High''byTheCure)
1354
l'dliketowelcomeeveryone
toSaintMariaGoretti's
1355
Student/FamilyFallPageant.
1356
Thisisacelebrationof
yourchildrenandtheirtalents,
1357
sowehopeyouenjoytheshow.
1358
Ourfirstactisfirst-graderCynthiaBodnar
andhermotherJane,
1359
performingthesong''Memory''
fromtheBroadwayshowCats.
1360
AndnowTracyColelli,
fromSisterAnn'skindergartenclass,
1361
willperformwithherparents
''Memory''fromCats.
1362
Andnow,first-graderMartinTobias
andhismotherwillperform...
1363
Oh,boy,thisisapopularsong.
1364
...''Memory''fromCats.
1365
Yougottabekiddingme!
1366
Youcouldn'tmakeiteasyonme,
couldyou,Gert?
1367
Honey,it'sgonnabeOK.
1368
You'renext,Gertie.
Breakaleg.
1369
Andnow,wehavesomething
notfromCats.ThankGod.
1370
First-graderGertrudeTrinke
andherfather,Oliver...
1371
Psst!
1372
-Justmygrandfather.
-Oh.
1373
l'msorry.First-graderGertrudeTrinke
andhergrandfather
1374
willbeperforming
whatlcanonlyassumeisahymn,
1375
entitled''God,That'sGood'',
fromthemusicalSweeneyTodd.
1376
(musicstarts)
1377
#Ladiesandgentlemen,
maylhaveyourattention,please?
1378
#Areyournostrilsaquiver
andtinglingaswell
1379
#Atthatdelicate,
luscious,ambrosialsmell?
1380
#Yes,theyare,lcantell
1381
#Well,ladiesandgentlemen,
thataromaenrichingthebreeze
1382
#lslikenothing
comparedtoitssucculentsource
1383
#Asthegourmetsamongyou
willtellyou,ofcourse
1384
#Ladiesandgentlemen,
youcan'timaginetheraptureandstar
1385
#Justinsideofthisdoor
1386
#Thereyou'llsample
Mrs.Lovett'smeatpies
1387
#Savoryandsweetpies,asyousee
1388
#Youwhoeatspies
Mrs.Lovett'smeatpies
1389
#Conjureupthetreat
piesusedtobe
1390
-#Toby!
-#Coming!'Scuseme...
1391
-#Alethere!
-#Right,mum!
1392
-#Quicknow!
-#(GreenieandBlock)God,that'sgood!
1393
#Nicetoseeyou,dearie
1394
#Howhaveyoubeenkeeping?
1395
#Cor,mebonesisweary
Toby!Oneforthegentleman
1396
#Hearthebirdiescheeping?
Helpstokeepitcheery
1397
#Toby!Throwtheoldwomanout!
1398
#(GreenieandBlock)God,that'sgood!
1399
#What'syourbudget,dearie?
No,wedon'tcutslices
1400
Takethisoff.
1401
#...meprices
l'malittleleery
1402
#Businesscouldn'tbebetter,though
1403
#(GreenieandBlock)God,that'sgood!
1404
#Knockonwood
1405
-#Psst!
-#Excuseme
1406
-#Psst!
-#Dear,seetothecustomers
1407
-#Psst!
-#Yes,what,love?
1408
-#Quicknow!
-#Meheart'sa-flutter
1409
-#Whenlpoundthefloor...
-#Whenyoupoundthefloor
1410
#lt'sasignaltoshow
thatl'mreadytogo
1411
-#Whenlpoundthefloor...
-#Whenyoupoundthefloor
1412
-#Willyoutrustme?
-#ljustwanttobesure
1413
#Whenl'mcertainthatyou'reinplace
l'llpoundthreetimes
1414
#Threetimes
1415
#Andthenyou!
1416
#Threetimes!
1417
#lfyou...
1418
#Exactly!
1419
-#Morehotpies!
-#God!
1420
-#Morehot!
-#Right!
1421
#(all)Morepies!More!
1422
#Wait!
1423
#(all)God,that'sgood!
1424
Shit.
1425
-lloveyou,Daddy.
-lloveyoutoo.
1426
lloveyousomuch.
1427
-Youweregreat.
-Youtoo.
1428
You...guys...
1429
-were...great!
-Ooh!
1430
Oh,God!
1431
Hey,Gertie!
Comedancewithme.
1432
-Bye,UncleGreenie.Bye,UncleBlock.
-Bye,sweetheart.
1433
-l'mstartin'tolikeshowbusiness.
-Yeah.
1434
Well,don'tgetcaughtupintheglory.
Tomorrowyou'reonshithouseduty.
1435
-Youknow,sometimesljustwanna...
-Uh-huh.
1436
l'msotiredofbeingyourlittlegeisha.
1437
Youhadmeworriedthereforaminute.
1438
Yeah,whoknewallthoseyears
youwerenursingacaseofstagefright.
1439
Notaboutthat,smartass.
Abouttheotherthing.
1440
-Aboutmovingaway.
-Comeon,Dad.
1441
Don'tyouwannalivealoneagain?
1442
Notasmuchas
ldon'twannadiealone.
1443
We'renotgoinganywhere,Pop.
1444
(#''LetMyLoveOpenTheDoor''
byPeteTownshend)
1445
Youwannagooverthere
andcheerupyourpop?
1446
He'sdevastatedabout
missinghisbigsingingdebut.
1447
Aw!
1448
Pop!
1449
Hey,Princess!
1450
Lookatyou.
Mr.BigHerooftheNight.
1451
Yeah,well,itmighttakeme
longerthansome,butl,uh...
1452
-Mayl?
-Uh...
1453
OK.
1454
lliketothink
lcomearoundeventually.
1455
Well,youshowingup
whenyoudidlikethat?
1456
Thatwasjustabout
themostromanticthingl'veeverseen.
1457
Honestly.
1458
Well...stickaround.
1459
ltmaygeteven
moreromanticthanthat.
1460
-Really?
-Yeah.
1461
See?Howwasthatforromance?
1462
l'llthinkaboutit.
1463
Dothat.
1464
OllieTrinke...
1465
Hey.
1466
Yourkid'scuttin'arugwiththatMaya.
1467
Uh...
1468
Thesunevenshines
onadog'sasssomedays.
1469
Yougettingadog?
1470
Maya?
1471
-Canldancewithmydadnow?
-lfyoumust.
1472
Don'tlethimgo,though,Gert.
He'soneofakind.
1473
lknow.
1474
Comehere.
1475
-Youwannadance?
-So,nocity?
1476
-No.Nocity.
-We'restayingherewithPop?
1477
Godhelpus,yes,
we'restayingwithPop.
1478
-Andyou'retakingmetoseeCats?
-Oh-ho!Nicetry,butno.
1479
-Thankyou,Daddy.
-Anythingforyou,Gert.
1480
-Youknowwhy?
-Why?
1481
'Causeyou'retheonlything
lwaseverreallygoodat.
1482
(#''JerseyGirl''byBruceSpringsteen)
1483
#Igotnotimeforthecornerboys
1484
#Downinthestreet
makingallthatnoise
1485
#Orthegirlsoutontheavenue
1486
#'CausetonightIwannabewithyou
1487
#TonightI'mgonnatakethatride
1488
#AcrosstherivertotheJerseyside
1489
#Takemybabytothecarnival
1490
#ThenI'lltakeheronalltherides
1491
#'Causedowntheshore
everything'sallright
1492
#Youandyourbaby
onaSaturdaynight
1493
#Youknowallmydreamscometrue
1494
#WhenI'mwalking
downthestreetwithyou
1495
#Singshalalalalalala
1496
#Shalalalalalalala
1497
#Shalalalalalalala
1498
#Shalala
Well,I'minlovewithaJerseygirl
1499
#Shalalalalalalala
1500
#Shalalalalalalala
1501
#Shalalalalalalala
1502
#Shalalalalala
1503
#Youknowshethrillsme
withallhercharms
1504
#WhenI'mwrappedup
inmybaby'sarms
1505
#Mylittlegirlgivesmeeverything
1506
#Iknowsomeday
thatshe'llwearmyring
1507
#Sodon'tbotherme,man,
Iain'tgotnotime
1508
#I'monmyway
toseethatgirlofmine
1509
#'Causenothingmatters
inthiswholewideworld
1510
#Whenyou'reinlovewithaJerseygirl
1511
#Shalalalalalala
1512
#Shalalalalalalalalalalala
1513
#Shalalalalalalala
1514
#Shalala
Well,I'minlovewithaJerseygirl
