爱华网英语笑话作为良好的英语教学素材应该可以被广泛的运用到英语教学中。下面是小编带来的让人笑得直不起腰的英语笑话，欢迎阅读!
让人笑得直不起腰的英语笑话篇一
Where Do You Keep Yours? 你的东西放到哪儿去了?
The famous, but rather aged, doctor was making his rounds, followed by a young intern. Suddenly the intern noticed something peculiar.
一位上了年纪的著名医生正在各病房做例行巡视，一位年轻的实习医生跟着他，突然那名实习医生注意到一件怪事。
“Say, doctor, are you aware that you have a suppository behind your ear?”
“医师先生，您有没发现您耳朵放了一支栓剂呢?”
“Oh, shit!” exclaimed the eminent practitioner. “Do you know what this means?”
“喔!真是糟糕!”那位名医说道“，你知道那表示什么吗?”
“What?”
“什么呢?”
“Some asshole has got my pen!”
“我把我的钢笔塞到某一位病人的屁股里面去了!”
让人笑得直不起腰的英语笑话篇二
We’re in the Same Boat 同病相怜
The young man was terribly self-conscious because he had a wooden eye. His friends would often invite him dance parties, but he could never work up the courage to ask a girl to dance.
一位年轻人因为他有只木制的眼睛而感到非常自卑。他的朋友常会邀请他参加舞会，但他从没能鼓起勇气邀请女孩子跳舞。
But then, one evening, he spotted a girl with a wooden leg sitting sadly by herself. Apprehensively, he walked up to her and asked, “Would you like to dance?”
有一晚，他却不经意看见一位装了一只木制义肢的女孩独自伤心地坐在角落。他很谨慎地走向她问道“：你要不要跳舞呀?”
“Would I?!”she exclaimed.
“我要不要?”她惊叫。
“Oh, yeah? Well, you’ve got a wooden leg!”
“哦，怎么了 ?你有一只木制的义肢——(而我有一只木制的假眼，咱们应是天生的一对嘛!)。”
让人笑得直不起腰的英语笑话篇三
Its Advantages 老马识途
A young vice-president of a bad had embezzled $200,000, and squandered it at the race track. The bank examiners were due the next day, and there was no way he could conceal his crime. What’s more, when he told the sad tale to his wife, she packed her bags and left him.
一位年轻的银行副总裁挪用了二十万美金的公款，并悉数浪费在赛马上，银行的督察第二天就要来视察，而他也没办法隐瞒他的不法行为。更糟的是，当他把此一不幸的消息告诉他老婆时，她竟收拾行李，离他而去。
Totally despondent, the young man headed for the nearest bridge and prepared to throw himself into the river. Just as he was about to leap off, a hideous old hag ran up to him, shouting for him to stop.
年轻人非常沮丧地走向离家最近的一座桥想投河自尽。就在他要跳下水时，一位面目可憎的老巫婆跑上前去，制止了他的行动。
“You don’t understand,” explained the banker, and told her about his predicament.
“你不了解我的痛苦，”银行家说道，并且把他的困境告诉老巫婆。
“Ha-ha,” chortled the hag. “Why, that’s nothing. It just so happens that I’m a witch, and I can solve all you problems.”
“哈哈!”巫婆咯咯地笑“，那也没什么，刚好我是个女巫，我可以解决你所有的难题。”
The witch seemed to concentrate, made some mystic signs and uttered a series of bizarre phrases.
接着女巫似乎全神专注地在空中比划一些玄妙的符号，口中还念着一大串奇怪的话。
“There you are,” she said triumphantly. “Not only is the money returned, but there’s another $200,000 in your safe deposit box. And your wife is back at home and the whole matter has been erased from her memory.”
“你的问题我都帮你解决了，”她得意洋洋地说道“，不仅要回了你那二十万，你的保险柜里面还多了二十万美金!你太太也已回家，而且我已从她的记忆中除去了这件不愉快的事!”
“My God, can this really be true?” exclaimed the man.
“我的天啊，你说的是真的吗?”那个人说道。
“Of course,” replied the hag. “But if you want to keep it true, you must do one thing. You must take me to a hotel and screw my brains out.”
“当然啦!”巫婆回答道“，但是你如果要我保持目前这个状况的话，就必须答应我一件事，带我到旅社并和我做爱一个晚上。”
The man gulped, for the old woman was truly hideous, and smelt horrible as well. But seeing no alternative, he did as she requested, and holding his nose and averting his eyes, performed his duty manfully all night.
那个老兄吞了一口口水，因为女巫不但长像可怕，而且浑身臭气逼人。由于别无选择，他答应了她的要求，整个晚上他屏住气息，别过脸避开巫婆的视线，不停地履行他的承诺。
In the morning, as he was getting dressed, the repulsive crone turned to him and said, “Sonny, how old are you anyway?”
隔天早上，银行家正在穿衣服，那令人厌恶的丑老太婆面向他问道“：小老弟，你究竟多大年纪呢?”
“Thirty-three,” replied the executive.
“三十三，”老兄答道。
“And don’t you think you’re a little bit old to believe in withes?”
你不认为你实在年长得可以不相信有巫婆的存在了吗?”
