爱华网
得病以前，我受父母宠爱，在家中横行霸道，一旦隔离，拘禁在花园山坡上一幢小房子里，我顿感打入冷宫，十分郁郁不得志起来。一个春天的傍晚，园中百花怒放，父母在园中设宴，一时宾客云集，笑语四溢。我在山坡的小屋里，悄悄掀起窗帘，窥见园中大千世界，一片繁华，自己的哥姐，堂表弟兄，也穿插其间，个个喜气洋洋。一霎时，一阵被人摒弃，为世所遗的悲愤兜上心头，禁不住痛哭起来。
阅学生之译文，笔者发现有一个问题值得我们教师注意，即如何在动笔翻译前，能迅速正确地确定英译的主语。如：
1. 得病以前，我受父母宠爱，在家中横行霸道。
学生译文（以下简称“学译“）：Before the illness, I was much petted by parents, doing everything at will in the home.
学译：Before I became ill, I have received all the favor of my parents, just like a little tyrant at home.
参考译文：Before I fell ill, I had been the bully under our roofs owing to my doting parents.
我们知道，汉语表达大多为“意合”结构，结构松散，以一个一个看似并列的短句“拼凑而成，彼此逻辑关系不明显；但英语则不同于汉语，它是形合语言，非常讲究句子内部的逻辑关系的“外化”，所谓“外化”，即，使用Connectives来表现其逻辑关系。我国译界有一个著名比喻：汉语句子的结构像“竹竿”，是一节接一节的；而英语句子则像“葡萄”，主干很短，而“挂”在上面的附加成分则很多。可以说，汉译英的过程，是一个由“竹竿”向“葡萄”转换的过程。首先要确定“一节接一节”的汉语句子，选其中的哪一节为英句的“（葡萄）主干”。
上面的汉语原句就含有一定的逻辑关系。“受父母宠爱”是因，而“在家中横行霸道”则是果。“果”应是全句的重心，英译上句，“（葡萄）主干”当选定“在家中横行霸道”而非学生译文所选的“我受父母宠爱”。
2. 一旦隔离，拘禁在花园山坡上一幢小房子里，我顿感打入冷宫，十分郁郁不得志起来。
学译：When isolated and taken into custody in a small house on the hillside of our garden, I felt like I was abandoned, getting more and more depressed.
学译：As soon as I was kept apart in a small flat built on the hillside in the garden, I suddenly felt being consigned to limbo, gloomily and disappointedly.
参考译文：Feeling like being deposed into a cold palace, I began to taste the bitterness of depression and frustration immediately after I was segregated and confined in a small house on a hillside in our garden.
汉语原句有“四节”，哪一部分应该成为英句之“主干”？“我顿感打入冷宫”，还是“十分郁郁不得志起来”？学译都把“我顿感打入冷宫”处理为“主干”，而参考译文则反其道而行之。细细分析，“十分郁郁不得志起来”和“我顿感打入冷宫”，两者也有主次关系。显然，“十分郁郁不得志起来”为主，“我顿感打入冷宫”为次。两者之间，不仅存在时间先后的顺序，而且还存在着逻辑上的“因果”。因此，参考译文处理得当。另一个值得参考之处在于：“主干”（I began to taste the bitterness of depression and frustration）的前后均有附加成分，句子显出“平衡美”。
3. 一个春天的傍晚，园中百花怒放，父母在园中设宴，一时宾客云集，笑语四溢。
学译：At one dusk in spring, flowers were blooming wildly in the garden, my parents were holding a banquet, in which guests were gathering, laughters could be heard everywhere.
学译：On a spring evening, hundreds of flowers were in full bloom in the garden where my parents hosted a banquet. For a while, guests gathered in large number, laughing and talking, which could be heard clearly.
参考译文：On a spring evening, my parents gave a banquet in the garden where a profusion of flowers were in full bloom. In no time, a crowd of their guests collected and laughter was heard all over there.
汉语原句的“节数”增加到“五节”。译成英语，仍应确定正确的“主干”，两个“学译”不谋而合，将“园中百花怒放”， 而不是“父母在园中设宴”作为“主干”来处理。读来，给人一种观比萨斜塔的感觉。相比之下，参考译文则给人一种美感，散发出浓郁的英语味?
