爱华网系列专题：《点亮生活的智慧：人生之钥》
那时，天真的我并没有认识到，在你原本以为会找到友谊的地方发现残酷，或是在你信任他人的时候却发现虚伪时，感觉到委屈并不代表着软弱。 后来，我逐渐发觉，这种特殊的痛苦感并非仅是我对个人经历的体验，当面对诸多人类不公时——小动物被虐待的故事、毫无缘由的暴力事件、大屠杀的纪录片、现代战争的暴行——我能感受到同样的哽咽和酸楚。 然而，我所为之悲恸的，并非受害者，他们的灵魂并没有被恶魔占据。我的悲恸，是为那些误导无辜者的人们，他们有意让自己失去了生命中唯一有价值的东西，失去了唯一能给生命赋予价值的东西。 他们让自己否定和远离了作为一个人所应该体验到的善良和美好。对他们而言，无所谓希望，也无从拯救。
如今，当我的眼泪为他们而流时，我已不再感到羞愧。 With marital breakdown and single parenthood increasing, step-families are becoming more and more common. Such relationships are never easy. Indeed, the worst mistake people make is to pretend they are. Having witnessed first-hand the powerful emotions ruling the responses of those involved in family arrangements not of their choosing, I can’t help noting, with interest that women who have a family and re-marry tend to be apologetic to their new partner for saddling him with another man’s issue; whereas a man with a family is much more likely to be apologetic towards his progeny for replacing their mother in his affections. In the first instance, children are made to feel that they are an undesired, undesirable appendage; in the other, the children appoint themselves critical, resentful judges of their father’s choice. Neither is conducive to harmonious co-existence, or a healthy psychological climate. We all need the family as a comfortable and secure base camp: a place to prepare for life’s battles and recover in between campaigns. All members of a troop have an equal right to its facilities. So let’s forget about apologizing. Support each other, irrespective of blood ties, the way no one else will. A man I know is a troubled soul. Mid-life, he had a breakdown. In therapy he was told to make a list of things he felt he couldn’t cope with, and overleaf, write down what he most enjoyed.
