日本生物工程博士 在读生物类博士的生活是怎样的？

I don’t sit at home reading journals on the weekend.

我周末并没有老老实实坐在家里读paper

I have skipped talks at scientific conferences for social purposes.

我因为一些私人问题翘掉了学术会议。

I remember about 1% of the organic chemistry I learned in college. Multivariable calculus? Even less.

有机化学我大概还记得1%吧。多变量微积分？啦啦啦啦啦啦啦~~~

I have felt certain that the 22-year-old intern knows more about certain subjects than I do.

我能明确感觉到22岁的实习生在特定科目都比我懂得多。

I have avoided eye contact with eager grad students while walking past their poster sessions.

走过学术海报时，我会避开和那些热情洋溢的研究生们的眼神接触

When someone describes research as “exciting,” I often don’t agree. Interesting, maybe, but it’s a big jump from interest to excitement.

每当有人把科研描述成“令人兴奋”时，我常是不大同意的。或许科研是有趣的吧，有趣和兴奋，还差得远呢。

Sometimes I see sunshine on the lawn outside the lab window and realize that I’d rather be outside in the sun.

有时，我会透过实验室的窗子看到草坪上的阳光，那时我想沐浴在这阳光下。

I have gone home at 5 p.m.

我曾经五点就下班了

I have asked questions at seminars not because I wanted to know the answers but because I wanted to demonstrate that I was paying attention.

我在会议上问问题，不是因为我想知道答案，而仅仅是证明我刚刚听了。

I have never fabricated data or intentionally misled, but I have endeavored to present data more compellingly rather than more accurately.

我从来不会编造数据，或者故意误导；但我一直在试图更吸引人地展示数据，而不是更精确地。

I have pretended to know what I’m talking about.

我假装明白自己在讲什么

I sometimes make superstitious choices but disguise them as tradition or unassailable preference.

我有时会做出一些迷信的选择，却伪装成实验室的传统或者毋庸置疑的。

I like the liberal arts.

我喜欢人文的东西

When a visiting scientist gives a colloquium, more often than not I don’t understand what he or she is saying. This even happens sometimes with research I really should be familiar with.

当一个来访学者给talk的时候，其实我并听不懂他或她在说什么；即便这项研究我应当很熟悉。

I have enjoyed the fruits of grade inflation.

我喜欢分数膨胀~~~都给学生们打高分~~~

I have called myself “doctor” because it sounds impressive.

我喜欢自称博士，因为听上去很吊（印象深刻）

I dread applying for grants. I resent the fact that scientists need to bow and scrape for funding in the first place, but even more than that, I hate seeking the balance of cherry-picked data, baseless boasts, and exaggerations of real-world applications that funding sources seem to require.

太长懒得译了。就是害怕申请基金。第一，厌恶申请基金时的卑躬屈膝；第二，憎恨申请基金时要整理数据和忽悠。

I have performed research I didn’t think was important.

In grad school, I once stopped writing in my lab notebook for a month. I told myself I could easily recreate the missing data from Post-it notes, paper scraps, and half-dry protein gels, but I never did.

读博期间，我曾有一个月没记实验记录。我告诉自己，我可以通过即时贴、小条和半干的蛋白胶把数据补全。。。but I never did

I do not believe every scientific consensus.

我从不相信任何科学共识

I do not fully trust peer review.

我不是完全相信同行评议

When I ask scientists to tell me about their research, I nod and tell them it’s interesting even if I don’t understand it at all.

当我让其他学者给我讲讲他们的课题时，我会轻轻点头，然后说这个课题interesting！即是我根本听不懂。

I was never interested in Star Wars.

我不喜欢星球大战

I have openly lamented my ignorance of certain scientific subtopics, yet I have not remedied this.

我曾公开感叹过自己在某一个科学领域的欠缺，事后却并没有学习一个

I have identified steps in lab protocols that can be optimized, yet I have not optimized them.

我曾经确认过在实验室protocol里有些步骤是可以优化的，然而我并么有优化~~~

I have worried more about accolades than about content.

其实我更在意评价，而不是科研内容

If I could hand over my lab work to a robot, I’d do it in a second. Then I’d resent having to maintain the robot.

如果我可以把实验室工作交给机器人的话，那我绝对立马就干~~然后愤恨不得不常常维修这台机器人。

During my graduate-board oral exam, I blanked on a question I would have found easy in high school.

在研究生口试的时候，我挂掉了一个高中课本上的问题，

I can’t name four papers my grad-school lab published, but I can describe the details of our entry every year into the Biology Department Holiday Party Dessert Competition.

我说不全四篇自己读博实验室的peper的名字，然而我却可以描述出每年系里假日派对甜点大赛的细节。

I have feigned familiarity with scientific publications I haven’t read.

我假装对那些我没有度过的书很熟悉

I have told other people my convictions, with certainty, then later reversed those convictions.

我曾经信誓旦旦地和别人讲我的推论，之后都被推翻了

I have killed 261 lab mice, including one by accident. In doing so, I have learned nothing that would save a human life.

我一共杀了261只mice，包括一只事故死亡。也是这样，我丝毫没有get到任何能帮助挽救人类性命的知识。

I can’t get excited about the research to which some of my friends and colleagues have devoted their lives.

对于那些我同事和朋友们倾尽一生的课题，我一点也不觉得excited。

I can’t read most scientific papers unless I devote my full attention, usually with a browser window open to look up terms on Wikipedia.

若果不全神贯注的话，我很难读进去paper，对了，我还得一边wiki着那些术语

I allow the Internet to distract me.

上网干扰我的进度

I have read multiple novels

我看迈克尔·克莱顿的小说

.

I have taken food from events I did not attend and .

我从没参加的学术会议拿吃的，还从没接触的仪器公司那里顺器材。

I have used big science words to sound important to colleagues.

我和同事吹牛逼，把课题讲得很厉害

I have used big science words to sound important to students.

我和学生吹牛逼，把课题讲得很厉害

I have used big science words to sound important to my 3-year-old daughter.

我和三岁的女儿吹牛逼，把课题讲得很厉害

I sometimes avoid foods containing ingredients science has proved harmless, just because the label for an alternative has a drawing of a tree.

我曾经避开那些含有科学已证明无害添加剂的食品，只因为另一种食品上面画了一个小树。

I have miserably failed exams in the exact field I chose to study.

我曾经在自己选的领域里考试考得一塌糊涂

I own large science textbooks I have scarcely used. I have kept them “for reference” even though I know I’ll never use them again. I intend to keep them “for reference” until I die.

我存了很多根本没有碰过的专业书籍。我把他们留着做参考，尽管我知道我再也不会翻开他们。我会把他们留到死。

I have abandoned experiments because they did not yield results right away.

我曾经放弃了那些没有立马见成效的实验。

I own no .

我没有科学家范儿的领带

I want everyone to like me.

我希望大家都喜欢我

I have known professors who celebrate milestone birthdays by organizing daylong seminars about their field of study. To me, no way of spending a birthday sounds less appealing.

我知道有些教授会在重要生日的时候举办研究领域内的学术会议。我嘛，才不要把生日花在不那么有吸引力的事情上。

Sometimes science feels like it’s made of the same politics, pettiness, and ridiculousness that underlie any other job.

有时，科学也像是由政治、杂碎和荒唐组合而成的。这些是其他职业的根基~~~

, then pay money to go see more films with scientists in them.

我反对电影中出现科学家的形象，之后我又会花钱去看有科学家露面的电影。

I have worked as a teaching assistant for classes in which I did not understand the material.

我曾经在一窍不通的课上当过助教。

I have taught facts and techniques to students that I only myself learned the day before.

我曾经给学生们讲自己前一天才刚弄会的知识和技术。

I find science difficult.

我认为科学蛮困难的。

I have delusions that people will read this confession and applaud my bravery for identifying a universal fear.

我曾经妄想过人们会阅读这篇忏悔，然后为我勇于指出普遍问题而鼓掌。

I am afraid that people will read this confession and angrily oust me from science, which I love.

我也害怕大家在读完这篇忏悔后会生气地把我赶出我喜欢的科研领域。

I have felt like a fraud, not once, but with such regularity that I genuinely question whether anyone has noticed I don’t belong here. I am certain that one day I’ll arrive at work, and my boss will administer a basic organic chemistry test, which I’ll fail, and he’ll matter-of-factly say, “That’s what I thought.”

我曾不只一次觉得自己就像是个骗子，每当我自问是否会有人发现不其实我根本没有资格坐在这里。我确信会有这样一天，当我来到实验室，老板会会进行一场基础的有机化学测试，然后我挂了，他实事求是地说：“这就是我想的”

I know I have arrived where I am through privilege, good fortune, and circumstance. Anything I genuinely earned could not have been earned without those precursors.

我知道自己现在所拥有的，都是经由特权、好运和环境来得到的。抛去这些，我将一无所有。

Last month, I spoke to an audience of about a hundred postdocs at the National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases. Wondering whether I was alone in my fraudulence, I decided to finally go ahead and ask.

“How many of you,” I polled the audience, “actually enjoy doing lab work?” Remember that these are people who’ve performed laboratory research for a decade or more, who would spend that very afternoon at the lab bench, and who are actively and fervently pursuing careers doing more lab work.

Here’s how many hands went up: Three.

上个月，我去了美国糖尿病、消化系统和肾病国家研究中心，有一百个博士后一起参加讲座，我决定问个究竟；看看是不是只有我一个人有这样的负罪感。

“你们中，有多少人，真心喜欢着湿实验的？”那群博士后都从事研究工作十年以上，在实验台上消耗了无数个日日夜夜，他们之后还将继续热情而积极地做实验。

有几个举手的呢？三个

I can’t be the only scientist who feels like a fraud. But we don’t talk about it. No one volunteers to proclaim their inadequacies. In fact, scientists go to great lengths to disguise how little we know, how uncertain we feel, and how much we worry that everyone deserves to be here but us. The result is a laboratory full of colleagues who look so impossibly darn confident. They’re the real scientists, we tell ourselves. They can follow the entire seminar. They read journals for pleasure. Their mistakes only lead them in more interesting directions. They remember all of organic chemistry. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

我不会是唯一的个例。不过平时大家都不说罢了。谁会没事干提自己的缺点呢？事实上，科学家们以长处来掩盖自己的无知、不安和自责（除我之外大家都配呆在实验室，就我不行~~~）。结果上一个lab里面充满了不自信的家伙们，每个人却都觉得除自己外别人都是真正的科学家：别人会听完整个学术会议，别人都乐于阅读文献，别人都能从错误中找出新的方向，别人能记住整本有机化学。

Maybe the idea of science is easier to love than the minutiae of science. Or maybe the veneer of professionalism is important to protect the integrity and authority of scientists. Or maybe that’s a cop-out.

或许科研的ideal远比那些繁琐的细节更招人喜爱？或许专业化的外在是为了保护科学家们的权威和正直？又或许这些都是胡扯？

I only know this: I feel like a fraud sometimes. Maybe that’s all right, as long as I’m not the only one.

我只知道一件事：有时我确实像个骗子。或许这是事实吧，不过应该不会就我一个？

So, who else?

P.S.翻译很匆忙，有问题欢迎指出~~~~~

最后为曾经喜爱的science和nature打个广告，欢迎大家登陆science和nature的官网，每天都有各种奇葩新闻和科研吐槽~~~~还不定期有大新闻更新~~~~~

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